geminigirl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
geminigirl) wrote2006-09-13 08:56 pm
geminigirl) wrote2006-09-13 08:56 pm
What I didn't write about the 9/11 Anniversary
My Dad still needs to talk to me on that day.
The fear is still palpable. The shock of not knowing where my father was, the moment the towers collapsed and being certain that he was dead. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
And the guilt. The guilt that my Dad was okay, and so many other people weren't.
What have we learned in five years? What have we given up? Are we safer now than we were then?
I avoided as much of the news coverage as I could. I don't need to see it. I can still remember Michael racing down the stairs shouting that I should put CNN on, what channel was CNN. I remember Pat's voice on the phone telling me that Mom was at home trying to find out what happened to my father. I know what it felt like to call my Mom and tell her that I wasn't at work, that I was at home, and would stay there until I heard from her. I don't know if anything will ever take away the sheer terror of watching the towers collapse, knowing my Dad was still missing, and being able to do nothing but sit on the floor and scream and sob for several minutes. My heart races and my eyes tear thinking of it.
Some news report said the other day said something about how things will never be the same as they were at 8:45 on 9/11/01. I don't know that that's true for everyone, but I do know that there are things that have changed for me forever.
The fear is still palpable. The shock of not knowing where my father was, the moment the towers collapsed and being certain that he was dead. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
And the guilt. The guilt that my Dad was okay, and so many other people weren't.
What have we learned in five years? What have we given up? Are we safer now than we were then?
I avoided as much of the news coverage as I could. I don't need to see it. I can still remember Michael racing down the stairs shouting that I should put CNN on, what channel was CNN. I remember Pat's voice on the phone telling me that Mom was at home trying to find out what happened to my father. I know what it felt like to call my Mom and tell her that I wasn't at work, that I was at home, and would stay there until I heard from her. I don't know if anything will ever take away the sheer terror of watching the towers collapse, knowing my Dad was still missing, and being able to do nothing but sit on the floor and scream and sob for several minutes. My heart races and my eyes tear thinking of it.
Some news report said the other day said something about how things will never be the same as they were at 8:45 on 9/11/01. I don't know that that's true for everyone, but I do know that there are things that have changed for me forever.