geminigirl | (no subject)

So, we all know we're having issues here. Don't need to get into that. What I'm trying to figure out is how I know when to stop. I feel kind of guilty that I'm thinking about stopping when I have people pumping for me, and I'd like her to get some breastmilk for another four or so months-until she's about six months old, and I don't know how long other people are willing or able to keep pumping for her.

But I also know it's not financially nor emotionally feasible to continue the crazy supplements/medication/pumping/SNS. I know that it's more important than any breast milk that I develop a positive relationship with Naomi about eating and food and feeding, because that will carry on well beyond this stage of her life.

I'm trying to figure out when it's okay to stop. When it would be okay not only for me, but for the people who are kind and thoughtful enough to pump for her so she gets more breastmilk than the few ounces a day she gets from me. I don't know how long my milk will last-this may be entirely inconsequential.

So if you were pumping for someone else in addition to feeding your own baby, not a full supply but five or so ounces a day, what would you say about stopping to the Mom who was getting your milk? Would you be okay with it if she stopped trying? When would that become okay?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think it's OK for you to stop as soon as you feel that your regret about not providing your own milk to Naomi is less than your regret about not doing the things you'd be able to do for/with Naomi if you weren't doing the drugs, pumping, etc.

As for the folks who are pumping for you -- I think it depends on why they are doing it and how much work it is for them.

When I was pumping for someone else's baby, I was doing it specifically because the mother was trying so hard to establish her own milk supply. I hadn't previously been pumping much if at all, but I ramped up my production so I was pumping 16 ounces a day for the other woman's baby. It was a lot of work for me, and definitely impacted my life. I rearranged my own baby's nursing patterns in order to maximize pumping production. I had to take a pump with me when I traveled and store/transport the milk. I stayed up late every night in order to fit in a late-night pumping session. I couldn't skip a pumping session even if it was inconvenient, because of the increase to my supply. Arranging things in order to pump as much milk as possible required dozens of decisions every day.

So when the mom decided nursing wasn't going to work out for her, I seriously cut back on my pumping and stopped pumping entirely within a couple of months. While I certainly agree that breastmilk is superior to other foods available for babies, my motivation wasn't really about providing the best food for the baby, but rather about supporting the mom's efforts to nurse her own baby.

But that was a fairly extreme situation, and I'm sure I would have felt differently if there'd been less pumping, and if the goals had been different.

If I were doing one pumping session a day for someone else's baby, I'd probably be willing to do it for, say, three months as long as I felt the mother had made a reasonable effort to nurse the baby herself. I doubt I'd be willing to do it for longer, just because it is hard to arrange my own schedule to make the pumping possible, and I know myself well enough to know that it would get to me after a while.

I would have no problem donating and pumping for another mom as long as I had excess supply.