geminigirl | (no subject)

While no one is (I hope) expecting a constant stream of chatter from this end, I do apologize for the pretty well complete radio silence.

We're in the throes of a serious low milk supply issue (not entirely unexpected as we knew going in that there was potential for a problem) so we're on a pretty crazy schedule that involves nursing, pumping and feeding. We're hunting still for local donor milk, I'm already taking domperidone, the lactation consultant is wonderful and, despite being on vacation this weekend, we've been in contact with her every day at her request, etc. In other words, we're doing all the right things, but it's a matter of time and patience and decision making...and the reality is that the baby needs an emotionally healthy parent more than breastmilk-whatever I can give her is wonderful, and if I can give her more than that, that's also terrific, but if I can't, something is better than nothing.

While I was intellectually prepared for this to happen, I'm not sure anything could have prepared me emotionally for it. It's pretty heartbreaking, and I've gone back and forth around anger/grief/resentment/questioning and all the usual emotions which would be difficult enough to begin with but throw a dose of post partum hormones in there and things aren't exactly easy...physically I feel terrific though, and (hate me if you want) I'm in pre-pregnancy clothes and they fit better now than they did before I got pregnant.

I should try and get some of the work done around the house while the baby is sleeping-we're preparing for an impromptu 35th birthday gathering for

zedrikcayne who turns 35 tomorrow.

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It's a Medela Pump In Style. I'm thinking about asking Pat (the LC) about a hospital grade pump if I'm going to keep up the pumping thing.

Which pump do you have?

oh. that's what I've got, I think. Electric, two horns?

I agree that checking into a hospital grade pump could be a good thing. I have spoken with women who preferred the PIS to the hospital-grade pump, but most women I know who've had a medical need for a breastpump liked the hospital-grade pump better. The Medela Symphony is a good one.

A couple of things I didn't already mention:

Remember that even if you don't establish a full milk supply, a partial milk supply can provide many of the practical benefits of a full milk supply. Being able to leave the house for moderate-length outings without bringing a supplement, for example. And after Naomi is eating solids well (which I know seems like it is an eternity away right now), those outings will grow longer. Eventually (after she's perhaps a year old), you may well be able to forego supplementation entirely but still nurse as long as you both want to.

And of course nursing provides many benefits that are not directly related to how much milk is produced. Comfort, connection, security, peace -- our babies and young children experience all of those things while nursing in our arms. And as evidenced by the number of children who continue to nurse even when their mothers have completely dried up during a subsequent pregnancy, those associations can be very important and powerful!

Oh, and about the postpartum hormones -- I don't remember if I told you what a complete roller-coaster I was on after Karl was born. I have never felt that unbalanced in my whole life.

As I was lying in bed with Karl this morning, I experienced another one of those practical advantages that's not really dependent on exactly how much milk you have:

Once you learn to nurse lying down, if you don't feel like getting up just yet but Naomi does, you'll likely be able to nurse her in bed for a while before you actually have to make yourself get up. :-)

Regarding what

wait said about the right size attachments for a hospital-grade pump, the sized ones I gave you for the PIS are the same ones that are used with the Medela Symphony ("PersonalFit"), so if either of those sizes is working for you, you won't need more breast shields, and if you do need a different size, you don't need to buy the whole assembly. The valves and membranes you already have are also the same. But you do need different tubing and the membranes and membrane caps for the Symphony itself. These parts are available separately.

Well, I know you know I'm here and that I went through my own difficult milk supply problems. I would love to know (when you get a chance, but not urgent!) how the domperidone goes. I also wanted to throw out there that I loved the Medala Symphony for comfort and help with letdown. I have the PIS and liked that one for travel (battery pack!) and I started with the other hospital grade Medela (the blue one) and it was okay, but the Symphony felt worth the upgrade.

It took me a long long time to realize that what was best for Sam went beyond being able to breastfeed and that my overall sanity was just as (or maybe more) important. I'm glad you are keeping that in mind and that you are also getting a lot of support from people you trust to help.

But no, there is no way to prepare for the heartbreak of the situation.

I hope you get to a (preferably milky) peaceful place soon.