geminigirl | (no subject)

Cried my way through Rosh Hashana services today. Glad that the kids opted to sit up front with other kids, and not with us. The Rabbi does a nice Children's Service...he talked about how the older kids ("teenagers" Naomi wondered) come and ask what Judaism tells them to believe about G-d and how the answer is "nothing" and then went on to talk about the thirteen attributes (schlichot) and about living a godly life. It was very accessible, very humanistic, and quite nice. The sermon was based on the book "The Secret Shofar of Barcelona" which the kids also enjoyed (I think it may be a PJ Library selection for us next year, I forget which group it's in.)

Naomi shocked me with how grown up she looked when she got dressed today. She is still a kid, she's only 7, but I can see a teenager, and eventually an adult underneath and it makes me catch my breath.

All I really want to do is stay in bed under the covers. Not an option though, so I keep going with what I need to do, though sometimes its the minimum, it gets done. I've been bingewatching Girl Meets World on Netflix when I can. Maybe one day I'll feel like getting up.

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*Hugs* L'shonah tovah. May this next year be easier for you, sweetie.

I feel badly about not taking the kids to services but the whole going and crying through services has been too much. I did it for a few years and now I'm just taking care of me (and feeling guilty about it).

Last year I felt like skipping services but we went anyway. And somehow in that moment, the Rabbi said just what I needed to hear that year. I figured this year the routine would help, and it was also one of those band aid moments-there would always be a first time, and prlonging the experience wouldn't help me, so we went. And while I did cry through most of the service, the first time is done and doesn't ever have to happen again. The next time may not be any easier but at least I know I can do it and get through to the other side.

I don't have a shul that is MINE so I'd likely end up at Chabad. That's the closest to what I was raised with. Maybe next year.

HUGS

We aren't members anywhere, but we shopped around a bit a while ago and ended up finding a place that we like, not too far from home. Very humanistic, lots of families with kids. The rabbi is from Tennesee and likes to talk about his experiences with the evangelicals and how it influences the way he leads services. The kind of place where Miriam, Naomi and a friend were dancing on a corner of the bimah last year during services one day and no one looked weirdly at them or said anything to us, just let them be, and where the rabbi at one point simply scooped Miriam up, sat her next to the torah and as he was reading and talking would point little things out to her. I mentioned this to the rabbi's wife one day, how much I appreciated not having to constantly chase Miriam back to her seat (not that I don't encourage her to stay in her seat and to understand when it's okay and when it isn't,) but her response was "we like when they do that, we love to see us, it reminds us about the future and the life here, and it means they'll see this as a joyful place."

I also really like watching the way the rabbi has the older kids engaging with and working with the younger kids-it's the kind of place that gives me a good feeling about the kinds of kids who are there.

Someday you will *hugs*

As a kid whose mother often cried throughout church services while I was sitting helplessly next to her, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like your services today provided a safe place for both you and your daughters. It seems like it is a place where your heart can be raw and searching and your daughters can be children who are encouraged to grow and learn. Both things, in the same place. Which is really, really beautiful.

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