geminigirl | The Latest Chapter (Reply)

So...

I had dinner tonight with my oldest friend. Rachel and I have known each other since we were three. This means, we've known each other somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 years...aka a very long time in the relative scheme of my life.

Rach is pregnant. This is only semi-shocking to me...she's been married nearly five years, and I knew they were going to start trying soon-ish. (I thought later this year, but they decided to move the date up a bit.) And all in all I'm very happy for her. This is wonderful news, and something they both wanted and blah blah blah...

but...

it's made me sort of...I don't know...

I mean-Rach got married, I went to grad school. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I know it was. But that was five years ago. And so, okay, grad school took up two...which is now, like three years ago.

And here I am, thinking, you know...it would be a nice time to be able to get serious. It would be. I mean, there are lots of things I want out of my life in the near-ish future. Children are one of them. I'm in no position to even consider that now...I'm just barely feeling like I really want to date again. And hey, I'm totally okay with that, but now that I feel like doing it, and it's not happening, it's sort of frustrating. Admittedly, I'm not putting huge amounts of effort into it at the moment, but I don't have a whole lot of free time, and I hate bars/clubs...which leaves not many options for meeting men, since meeting them through work is, well, nearly impossible. (Men who like women tend not to work in the field that I do. There's nothing wrong with this, it just poses it's own set of challenges.)

So I'm like, looking at grad programs once again, and bemoaning the state of relationships in my life. Grad school has been on the list of really really important things even longer than children. But for some odd reason, lack of serious boyfriend in my life is bugging me tonight.

Okay, I'm no less happy for Rachel; I cried when she told me because I was so happy. I'm just sort of wondering about the state of my own life tonight.