And She Was...

I sort of missed National Coming Out Day. I'm queer. It's not very exciting. What's your secret?

I think I have PMS. Which, while it's irritating, is also making me very happy. Salty food cravings, chocolate cravings, serious modiness and extra sweatiness. I also think I ovulated this month. I seem to have had all the right symptoms, including a temperature spike, but I admit, I've been less consistent about taking my temperature in the morning than I have in previous cycles. Most of itis due to not sleeping well -when I don't get a three hour block of sleep, I can't get an accurate temperature, and sometimes, the three hour block involves getting up between five and six in the morning to pee, and that is completely off from when my usual temperature taking time is. Some of it is just not stressing over it. As much as I would like to jump right back in to trying to have a baby, restraint is a good thing here. Making sure the meds are working, figuring out how I feel on the meds, that's important. A few more weeks isn't unreasonable.

The meds-I feel good, I had fewer side effects adjusting than I expected, but I'm just not hungry a lot of the time, and it's hard to eat just to take the meds. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it does have to be the right combination of protein/carbs in order to not get sick, and in order to not wake up feeling like I'll faint. I made that error once, fortunately on a weekend when Cayne was here, but I made a food mistake, went and took a nap, and woke up feeling not right, and hollered for Cayne to bring me juice. After which I felt a lot better. It was a scary moment though to wake up disoriented and dizzy like that. I find it very hard to get four doses in a day, but I'm doing the best I can.

Cayne's CPAP arrived on Monday. He's spending a few more nights on the futon, to get settled with it. The first night he used it, I kept getting up to check on him. The silence is spooky after two years of snoring. The bed will also probably be very warm with another body in it, too.

I am questioning my involvement in something. I'm not sure it's healthy, and sometimes I find it downright energy sucking.

aquariumgirl arrives Friday night for the weekend. This is very exciting. It's our first baby-free visit in two years. :) We'll spend some time at Disneyworld/Epcot (which is extra cool cause it's the Food and Wine festival) and hang out and enjoy our visit. It's likely to be the last baby free visit for quite a while, again. :) (Baby 2 is due in January, in case I haven't mentioned that.)

I'm being asked to participate in something I have strong objections to. I haven't decided how to respond. I haven't decided if the strength of my objections is magnified by the emotional impact PMS tends to have on me, or if they really are that strong, nor have I decided exactly how to respond.

I've had this non-productive cough that won't go away. It probably doesn't help that I'm not taking any asthma meds (and have felt fine up until recently.) It doesn't feel like bronchitis, but Cayne suggested that it might be. I may have to go get it checked out if it doesn't go away soon.

Stressing over money and car stuff. We've been putting off replacing Cayne's car, but it's coming closer and closer to time. Today we replaced the heater core, which cost us quite a bit-more than I'd have wanted to put into the car at this point. We're trying to put off car buying for at least six more months-a year would be better, because we'd be able to find a 2007 something, off a lease. Mom suggested perhaps talking to their car guy, Mike, who might be able to find us what we're looking for (ideally, a small station wagon type vehicle, if not, something larger than what we've got now) and/or cut us a deal on whatever we do buy. That would involve driving back from up there-potentially fun and with time to visit with friends along the way.

New cell phones are on the high priority list of things to do; Cingular is dropping analog coverage and going to all GSM, which means Cayne is having huge gaps in where he has signal. We'll drop Cingular and go all Verizon with a family plan of some sort before the end of this month-Verizon has a plan that covers us in Canada, and Cingular didn't when I last checked. When we get them, I'll pass along new contact info.

It's almost half past three. I should go to bed, in order to wake up and take my temperature soon. I just can't seem to shut my brain off.

I'm a puzzle fan. Logic problems, crossword puzzles, Sudoku, all of them strongly appeal to me. I started as a kid, with the logic problems. Really basic ones. The teacher who ran the pull out program for "gifted and talented" kids used to provide them...first they were more visual-a set of of items that have related characteristics, and pick out the one that's different. Then, smaller versions of the the ones in the magazines, where you get five or so clues about things, and you have to match the answers up. Like these. In high school, the librarian would copy the NY Times puzzle every day, and put it in the library, and I started doing it, just about every day, thoughout high school. So I'm really intrigued, and excited for Wordplay The Movie which opens this weekend, and I'm really hoping it makes it to here. (I bemoan leaving New York and DC a lot when things like this show up.) A movie about crossword puzzles? Good entertainment.

( There's talk about being sad, about menstruation, and miscarriage and stuff behind here. )

I must be lonely.

No, actually, I'm not. I'm just battling yet another night of insomnia...which would be fine if I didn't have to be somewhere at 1 PM tomorrow, and be presentable and alert and so on, until at least 6 PM, and then drive home, and also manage to get cat food before that.

Cayne is sound asleep upstairs, and I wandered downstairs about ten minutes ago because I just couldn't sleep, and it seemed useless to toss and turn in bed, and not be able to get comfortable. Daylight savings I suppose messes with me...you would think with losing an hour, I'd be sound asleep, since I relish the hour I gain in the fall, but for whatever reason, I've been fighting a losing battle with exhaustion last week (might be related to that which is discussed behind the cut tag) and spent Saturday in a cycle of watching news coverage of the Pope's death, knitting, reading and falling asleep. Saturday night, after the clocks jumped, I still couldn't sleep, and I think I finally did fall asleep around six AM-poor Cayne woke up to find me not in bed, and assumed immediately that it was his snoring that had chased me off, and offered to go down and sleep on the couch for a while so I could stay in bed. I told him no, and wandered back up to the bed, where I slept until about 1 in the afternoon-undoubtedly part of the reason why I'm still awake now (Cayne doesn't always realize how sensitive my sleep schedule is, and that he should have woken me instead of letting me sleep, but I did need the rest.)

My knee is still in a state of unhappiness-things that hadn't bothered it in years are making me wince. We did our grocery shopping and a quick run to Target today, and that was really more than enough. I'll probably go back to the gym on Tuesday and spend an hour in the pool, and then maybe do a half hour on the bike-less impact than the treadmill or eliptical, and then maybe my weights but not legs...which is a shame because I actually enjoy that part of my workout. I may also up the reps on the free weights this week, but we'll see...I'm starting to get to the point where I can add reps to bits and pieces of what I do, though I've been advised not to add any weight for another couple of weeks-which is fine. I think though (getting back to the point of the paragraph) that if I weren't in an odd sort of insurance limbo, I'd have gone to get the knee looked at already, after what it did on Thursday night. (Insurance limbo means that while technically I've got coverage, I'm living outside the network that my HMO covers, which could get me into a lot of trouble if I actually have a problem they need to deal with. So I rely on they to fill my prescriptions and if I really was in trouble, to take care of me, but other than that I sort of do the best I can without...almost like when I had no insurance but now I'm at least staying on my asthma drugs.) Really...what are they going to tell me anyway? Stay off it, ice it, etc? I can do that on my own. Unhappily, the soleus muscle and achilles tendon (the stuff I tore about eighteen months ago) are very tight, probably to compensate for the way my knee is behaving.

( behind the cut tag... )

If only there was a good way to get rid of the insomnia. The last two nights the melatonin hasn't helped. I have a couple of Xanax upstairs, but I'm holding on to those for when I really need them...probably the week before the wedding. And besides which, the last thing I want to do is take a drug that might leave me muddleheaded and hungover like percocet does when I have stuff to do tomorrow. Aarrrggh.