And She Was...

So as not to spam you too much...

We've created a new, co-written fertility related blog, which may include some of the stuff I write here, but will include perspective from both Cayne and I, and may include other things that I don't put in here. The blog is over at blogger.com, but I've created a feed for it here on LJ. I'll put a link in the sidebar to it as well.

The LJ feed URL-http://syndicated.livejournal.com/eggmeetssperm/
The Blogger address-http://eggmeetssperm.blogspot.com/

melebeth-would you mind if I used the picture over there as well?

Two reasons I love my spouse, even when he frustrates me...

He laughs at me just the right amount when I tell him that watching the Space Shuttle launch makes me want to jump him.

He said to me, when discussing the cake I brought to a party on Friday night (which was incredibly well recieved) "I want to be known as the husband of the woman who bakes That Cake."


It's been a busy-ish weekend. I baked the layers for a buttermilk chocolate cake on Thursday, and also made chocolate buttercream icing for it, but I was tired, so I decided to leave frosting the cake for the next day. Friday I marinated some chicken in a sweet and sour type sauce, to grill at the party we were going to that evening, and baked a lemon-raspberry tart. I drove to the party and met zedrikcayne there, but my route took me in such a way that I had a pretty fantastic view of the Space Shuttle as it went up, though I must still get to KSC for an actual launch one day.(For locals, I was driving along 434 towards Country Club Road.) Sadly, the party was a going away party for people I'm quite fond of, who are heading back to California. Still, good food, good conversation, and it was determined by an impartial audience that dropping a cup containing a urine sample during the fertility testing process (someone else's story) is not nearly as bad as our fertility testing horror story. Oddly, both did in part, involve pee. And I did hear a few stories about the doctors we're likely to see if I'm not pregnant by this fall.

Saturday, I went to a yard sale, where I bought two cherry bookcases, which, will at least temporarily, take up residence in my living room, though they may not remain. I also scored a Trivial Pursuit game, a cute wooden shelf that will work nicely in our living room, a cool glass citrus juicer and a piece of the Pier 1 wine rack that we've got. I also scored a box and a half of Pre-Seed. (The yard sale hosts were the same friends for whom there was a going away party the previous night, who are also dealing with their own fertility issues, but are much further along the intervention route than we are at the moment.)

Cayne's worked pretty much all weekend, but we got some stuff done around the house this morning. I got a bunch of homework done, after much arguing with the text editor to not realign my paragraphs, and to bold only the parts I want bold. I wish he'd been able to take Tuesday off to spend our anniversary together, but not this year. That's okay. I need to get all the stuff together for our trip up north, and find a gift and a dress for the baby shower that we've got to go to. (My cousin's wife is pregnant, apparently there's a baby shower on June 23rd, so we're going since we'll be at my Mom and Dad's. Mom however, has mentioned that the baby has a cleft palate and hole in the heart, and may have other issues, though mentally the baby should be fine. This spurred an interesting conversation with my Mom about how she didn't think she was brave enough to continue a pregnancy knowing that the baby faced serious health problems, and I pointed out that with Stephan's MS, and the unpredictability of MS, they may have felt like their opportunities were limited, but that everyone has different feelings on coping with that news, and if they went forward with it, all we really could do was support them and hope for the best. I, however, am not a big fan of this particular cousin.)

And so, it's now Sunday night, and I've got laundry in the dryer (sheets and towels on the weekend, when Cayne's home to help remake the bed) the Retro music channel on the TV, and I'm playing backgammon with Cayne (who is still at work, but has a lot of downtime right now in between fixing things and waiting for the testers to break them again.)

(Comments screened, and I won't unscreen unless you say okay)

For those of you who took Clomid who were ovulating pretty consistently on your own, did you find your luteal phase changed at all? I forgot to ask when Dr P prescribed it, and the nurse I deal with when I call is generally not exactly on top of things, so I wouldn't trust an answer from her...and Dr P is usually in surgery on Monday's anyway.

I know Clomid is sometimes prescribed for luteal phase defects, and while I have a short phase, it doesn't fall into the category of "defect" quite yet.

"Apparently, as a healthy, successful woman in her 30's, I don't deserve to have a baby. Maybe I'd have a fighting chance if I were gay, or a teenager, or a member of the AARP."

Kate Walsh as Addison Montgomery on Grey's Anatomy

We went to deal with giving the third semen sample today. And, when we were locked in the bathroom, ( (or so we thought) )

My life is ridiculous. I cried at Cookie Monster today. (For Muppet fans, it was the song where he talks about the first time he had cookies. And he tells you what his name was before it was Cookie.)

I also spent quite a bit of time figuring out how one goes for semen analysis (beyond the obvious basics.) Dr P recommended that zedrikcayne goes for one, just to make sure there are no problems on that end of things. In the discussion I had with Dr P about it, he explained that they used to allow men to give the sample at home, but they were finding that by the time the sample arrived at the hospital, the sample was no longer useful. So Dr P explained, that they now requied men to go to the lab and "give a sample by masturbation" which he accompanied with the hand gesture usually associated with male masturbation. I had to stiffle a giggle at that one. Other than telling me I was smart, referring me to an endocrinologist (I'll make that appointment after I get the results from the bloodwork that he did on Thursday) and telling me to schedule an ultrasound for when I expect to be ovulating, he said if Cayne is all clear, and I'm not pregnant by April, we'll talk about drugs. I have mixed feelings about that, and might make another wide-audience post about that later.

I'm feeling very tired, and blah. Cayne is fixing his computer right now, and I should make something to eat, but I have no energy to do that. We'll see what he wants to do when he's finished with the machine.

I sort of missed National Coming Out Day. I'm queer. It's not very exciting. What's your secret?

I think I have PMS. Which, while it's irritating, is also making me very happy. Salty food cravings, chocolate cravings, serious modiness and extra sweatiness. I also think I ovulated this month. I seem to have had all the right symptoms, including a temperature spike, but I admit, I've been less consistent about taking my temperature in the morning than I have in previous cycles. Most of itis due to not sleeping well -when I don't get a three hour block of sleep, I can't get an accurate temperature, and sometimes, the three hour block involves getting up between five and six in the morning to pee, and that is completely off from when my usual temperature taking time is. Some of it is just not stressing over it. As much as I would like to jump right back in to trying to have a baby, restraint is a good thing here. Making sure the meds are working, figuring out how I feel on the meds, that's important. A few more weeks isn't unreasonable.

The meds-I feel good, I had fewer side effects adjusting than I expected, but I'm just not hungry a lot of the time, and it's hard to eat just to take the meds. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it does have to be the right combination of protein/carbs in order to not get sick, and in order to not wake up feeling like I'll faint. I made that error once, fortunately on a weekend when Cayne was here, but I made a food mistake, went and took a nap, and woke up feeling not right, and hollered for Cayne to bring me juice. After which I felt a lot better. It was a scary moment though to wake up disoriented and dizzy like that. I find it very hard to get four doses in a day, but I'm doing the best I can.

Cayne's CPAP arrived on Monday. He's spending a few more nights on the futon, to get settled with it. The first night he used it, I kept getting up to check on him. The silence is spooky after two years of snoring. The bed will also probably be very warm with another body in it, too.

I am questioning my involvement in something. I'm not sure it's healthy, and sometimes I find it downright energy sucking.

aquariumgirl arrives Friday night for the weekend. This is very exciting. It's our first baby-free visit in two years. :) We'll spend some time at Disneyworld/Epcot (which is extra cool cause it's the Food and Wine festival) and hang out and enjoy our visit. It's likely to be the last baby free visit for quite a while, again. :) (Baby 2 is due in January, in case I haven't mentioned that.)

I'm being asked to participate in something I have strong objections to. I haven't decided how to respond. I haven't decided if the strength of my objections is magnified by the emotional impact PMS tends to have on me, or if they really are that strong, nor have I decided exactly how to respond.

I've had this non-productive cough that won't go away. It probably doesn't help that I'm not taking any asthma meds (and have felt fine up until recently.) It doesn't feel like bronchitis, but Cayne suggested that it might be. I may have to go get it checked out if it doesn't go away soon.

Stressing over money and car stuff. We've been putting off replacing Cayne's car, but it's coming closer and closer to time. Today we replaced the heater core, which cost us quite a bit-more than I'd have wanted to put into the car at this point. We're trying to put off car buying for at least six more months-a year would be better, because we'd be able to find a 2007 something, off a lease. Mom suggested perhaps talking to their car guy, Mike, who might be able to find us what we're looking for (ideally, a small station wagon type vehicle, if not, something larger than what we've got now) and/or cut us a deal on whatever we do buy. That would involve driving back from up there-potentially fun and with time to visit with friends along the way.

New cell phones are on the high priority list of things to do; Cingular is dropping analog coverage and going to all GSM, which means Cayne is having huge gaps in where he has signal. We'll drop Cingular and go all Verizon with a family plan of some sort before the end of this month-Verizon has a plan that covers us in Canada, and Cingular didn't when I last checked. When we get them, I'll pass along new contact info.

It's almost half past three. I should go to bed, in order to wake up and take my temperature soon. I just can't seem to shut my brain off.

Dolphin needs a prosthetic tail. I think that's way cool, and might check out the donation information. The phone number is in the article.

In other news, I came home from today's doctor's appointment with a diagnosis of PCOS and a prescription for Metformin. Which is exactly what I wanted, sort of. It's good to have an answer, and it's been evident for years that PCOS was the probable cause, but there's the process of getting used to taking the medication, and the side effects, and learning how to deal with taking meds four times a day. (I know there are other ways to take it, but for now, this is what the doctor wants me to do.) The upside, however is that the doctor said "Go off the pill. It's not suppressing your cyst much if you've had two ruptures in the last couple of months. You'll probably drop weight faster if you're off the pill, and have better response to the Metformin. If you get pregnant before I see you again in January, that's fine...I'd like it if you would wait til March, but if it happens before then, it's okay. You can use any other contraceptive method you want..condoms, rhythm method. You need to keep good track of your cycles, you may want to use an OPK [ovulation predictor kit] and if you start trying in March, and you don't have success in a few cycles, or you're not ovulating, we'll talk about adding other things like Clomid."

So, what this means is that we're going to decide if and when we're ready to try again for a baby. And there's a lot of stuff to deal with there. And it also means I'm likely to create a PCOS filter, so as not to bore most of you who aren't interested in what's going on with my ovaries.

It also means that I've been told that I will probably feel very sick for at least a month as I go on the new medication, and ramp the dose up to the level that the doctor wants me at.

We spent last weekend taking advantage of the tax free back to school shopping...bought some clothes for both of us (clothing under $50 and school supplies under $10 were tax free.) Cayne looks really good in his new shirts, too.

We also did some furniture shopping. I'm still not sure what color to paint the living room...I could paint it the same color as the family room or the master bedroom, or something completely different. We tried to go to the paint store on Saturday but they closed earlier than I thought, so we'll have to try again. The colors seem to be blues and greens so far, but I'm just stumped on the living room.

Tonight we're going to a public meeting about the Wekiva Parkway, which is an extention of one of the highways near our new house, and will connect the north end of the 429 (which is about three miles from the house) with the north end of the 417, which is sort of the other end of the region. It has the potential to be really fantastic, but I'd like to know the proposed route, and be able to make a comment, if there's time available. It's not a hearing, so I'm not sure how they're going to handle public comment, in fact. We'll also stop at the new house to pick up some things I have there for my sister in law, and measure the space in the front hall for a table, and in the family room so we can look for a sofa.

This weekend, we're going to begin scouring antique stores for a telephone table, like the one my Mom has in her kitchen. We need a nice small table for the foyer, and that would work. I've seen some cute new ones, but I'd like to see what the antique stores have to offer too. (Does anyone know if it's appropriate to haggle over the price, like you would at a flea market or yard sale, or is it expected that you'll pay the price as marked?_

Hrm. I think I've posted all my news links for today.

Tomorrow is the follow up ultrasound-first one since April. I don't think I'll get answers tomorrow-I have a follow up next week, but if you could spend a moment thinking good, healthy ovaries it's okay to try and get pregnant again thoughts or prayers (as you choose) I'd appreciate it. Driving the car with a full bladder to get the ultrasound=No Fun. And I can't just go early and drink my water in the waiting room, since I've got the first appointment after lunch.

Friday, I have a meeting the local ASO that I'm dreading. Because last month, the meeting went on for many, many hours, with nothing getting done. It also failed to start anywhere on time, because people had been given three different start times, plus, no one had bothered to arrange coverage or cancel HIV testing, so peope kept leaving the meeting for significant amounts of time, which meant we kept having to rehash what we had done. And I won't get started at the incredibly unprofessional behavior of one of the department heads and the exectutive director, who spent quite a bit of time reaming out one of the other employees in front of me, for a serious error in judgement that did require addressing, but it should never have been done in front of me, at the end of the meeting.

Cayne's trying to get an appointment with a sleep specialist, too. I'm feeling mostly relieved. It will be nice to be able to share a bed with him again. I miss a warm body. All of my fear and concern and communication though, not what pushed him over the edge. Realizing he fell asleep at work...that pushed him over the edge. We're waiting for them to call him back. It's interesting to read the "bed partner questionaire" though.

And that's the news from Lake Woebegone.

It's been a busy week.

Tuesday was our home inspection. Passed with flying colors...there are a couple of minor things that need to be done for FHA, like the two missing shingles on the roof-an extrabigdeal in the post 2004 hurricane season era. But apparently, nothing major or structural and in fact the home inspector told us the place was in great shape. I'm all for that. I do need to go through the "How to take care of your house" binder than he provided and make sure that I have no questions, and find out when the post-repair reinspection is.

I also met with our realtor's decorator, who helped us (well, me really, if you've never heard about Cayne's color sense, it's a good reason why I did that myself) choose colors for the house. They're not all on the web, but they're nice colors. Cayne's room (the "mancave"/office) is going to be a greyish color, the second bedroom is going to be kind of beige, and when it becomes a nursery will be repainted in a color we choose then. The guest bathroom will be blue (at Cayne's request), the master bedroom, and other living spaces will be a very pretty shade of green-the master bedroom in a darker shade than the rest, and the kitchen and master bath will be a sort of pale creamy yellowish color. Easy colors to work around as I find appropriate furniture and stuff.

Wednesday was my follow up visit with ( the midwife... )

The rest of the week has included lots of errands, a gathering with some girlfriends and not much else. The meeting I was supposed to have this morning was cancelled, so I used some of that time to get Cayne's anniversary gift, drop some stuff at the cleaners and pick up some shampoo.

I, however am looking forward to the weekend. A little house-shopping, and a trip to the arcade for skee ball. (Which, in case you didn't know, was one of the things that aquariumgirl and I did on our first date and one of the things that Cayne and I did the night we got engaged.) Sadly, I don't see Zeppolis on the snack menu at the arcade, which would make it perfect.