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Jul. 21st, 2002
What's your weird habit?
Jul. 21st, 2002 01:50 amI'm sitting here, plucking my eyebrows...
It's something I do often, when I can't sleep.
But I'm thinking about this; it's just something I know I look weird doing...the way I hold the magnifying mirror oh-so-close to my face so that I can see, even though I'm wearing my glasses and all that.
So-what's your thing? What do you do that you don't want anyone else, even your partner or lover to see you doing?
It's something I do often, when I can't sleep.
But I'm thinking about this; it's just something I know I look weird doing...the way I hold the magnifying mirror oh-so-close to my face so that I can see, even though I'm wearing my glasses and all that.
So-what's your thing? What do you do that you don't want anyone else, even your partner or lover to see you doing?
(no subject)
Jul. 21st, 2002 04:35 amThere are people singing loudly in Spanish outside. I suspect they're on a balcony or something in one of the nearby buildings.
I can't sleep. Sleep is a challenge many nights...not so much falling asleep but staying asleep. It always has been; the littlest noise will wake me. Sometimes, the cat climbing onto the other side of the bed will wake me. But the challenge of staying asleep combined with the difficulty I've had falling asleep the last few nights makes things worse. I should probably head for the shower soon, so I can get dressed and drive to the train station and be on the train at 6:20. Fortunatly I can sleep on the train.
Normally I love train rides, when I can stretch out and relax, look out the window and so on. Watching the sun rise from the train window is actually quite stunning. I'm dreading this train ride; I know what's at the other end, and I'm not prepared for it. I've wanted to be able to let go of the flood of emotions that's inside..the sad/anger/fear. I want to let it go. I want to break stuff. To explode.
I am cursing whatever is out there. I should not be going to funerals for my friends. Whatever higher powers may exist...I question them...why this, why now, why him? And maybe even a bit of why me.
I question my own strength...the capacity to deal with this, and with everything that goes on in my life. Am I really strong enough? Is there enough love in my life to carry me through, when I need it?
Why?
I can't sleep. Sleep is a challenge many nights...not so much falling asleep but staying asleep. It always has been; the littlest noise will wake me. Sometimes, the cat climbing onto the other side of the bed will wake me. But the challenge of staying asleep combined with the difficulty I've had falling asleep the last few nights makes things worse. I should probably head for the shower soon, so I can get dressed and drive to the train station and be on the train at 6:20. Fortunatly I can sleep on the train.
Normally I love train rides, when I can stretch out and relax, look out the window and so on. Watching the sun rise from the train window is actually quite stunning. I'm dreading this train ride; I know what's at the other end, and I'm not prepared for it. I've wanted to be able to let go of the flood of emotions that's inside..the sad/anger/fear. I want to let it go. I want to break stuff. To explode.
I am cursing whatever is out there. I should not be going to funerals for my friends. Whatever higher powers may exist...I question them...why this, why now, why him? And maybe even a bit of why me.
I question my own strength...the capacity to deal with this, and with everything that goes on in my life. Am I really strong enough? Is there enough love in my life to carry me through, when I need it?
Why?