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Heads you win, tails I lose.
Sep. 13th, 2003 12:17 amAlarm went off this morning, and the first thing I heard on NPR was Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, and I knew he had to be dead. It's just the way NPR does things. (What does it say that I've been listening to NPR long enough to know that.) That, combined with the rain just made it feel like even more of a stay under the covers sort of day. And the man who was goth before there was goth, is gone.
I watch Beta leap and pounce around the apartment. I can't believe he's lived with me for a year. That he's shared my life for a year. Sometimes I forget what it was like without him. He's been very cuddly this week, sleeping near my feet, purring, reminding me that he's here, and he's around. One doesn't own cats, but one is owned by them. And he captured my heart when he nudged his nose into my neck the day we chose each other, as he climbed on my shoulders and my head, instead of cowering in fear in my arms, and when he fell asleep in my arms in the car on the way home.
I shocked a group today when I talked about masturbation. Masturbation is shocking to teenaged boys, or the fact that I'll openly talk about it? In the masturbation discussion, I even mentioned that they could even try masturbating while wearing a condom, because it might help them get used to what it feels like, and help them find a condom that feels comfortable.
Talked to Mom tonight. About a bunch of stuff, but the important part goes something like this:
Mom: "Well you travel the country with a gay man, and go to drag bars. That's not going to help you have a baby."
Me: "Well, it does make it harder."
(some conversation about 2005
Me: "It's idea...I could go back to school in 2005 if X [1]happens"
Mom: "You should have a baby in 2005."
Me: "I'd like to do that on my own timeline, not yours."
Mom: "Well of course."
Me:"You know, if I'd never expressed any interest in having kids, I might be more comfortable with your teasing about it. But sometimes, not always, sometimes, especially since I'm sometimes frustrated with where I'm at with that, it hurts my feeling."
She was okay with it. Not exactly apologetic, but at least we got somewhere. She'll lay off for a while, until she forgets.
I don't want to write about 9/11. I did think about it. I did remember it. And I didn't want to write about it.
And I spent too much time in the car. I had a glass of wine, some good dinner, and some lime sherbert. And tomorrow is Saturday. I get to sleep in. And relax.
[1] Some of you have been enlightened about what X might be. More information about X will be forthcoming for those of you who don't know what it is in a few weeks.
I watch Beta leap and pounce around the apartment. I can't believe he's lived with me for a year. That he's shared my life for a year. Sometimes I forget what it was like without him. He's been very cuddly this week, sleeping near my feet, purring, reminding me that he's here, and he's around. One doesn't own cats, but one is owned by them. And he captured my heart when he nudged his nose into my neck the day we chose each other, as he climbed on my shoulders and my head, instead of cowering in fear in my arms, and when he fell asleep in my arms in the car on the way home.
I shocked a group today when I talked about masturbation. Masturbation is shocking to teenaged boys, or the fact that I'll openly talk about it? In the masturbation discussion, I even mentioned that they could even try masturbating while wearing a condom, because it might help them get used to what it feels like, and help them find a condom that feels comfortable.
Talked to Mom tonight. About a bunch of stuff, but the important part goes something like this:
Mom: "Well you travel the country with a gay man, and go to drag bars. That's not going to help you have a baby."
Me: "Well, it does make it harder."
(some conversation about 2005
Me: "It's idea...I could go back to school in 2005 if X [1]happens"
Mom: "You should have a baby in 2005."
Me: "I'd like to do that on my own timeline, not yours."
Mom: "Well of course."
Me:"You know, if I'd never expressed any interest in having kids, I might be more comfortable with your teasing about it. But sometimes, not always, sometimes, especially since I'm sometimes frustrated with where I'm at with that, it hurts my feeling."
She was okay with it. Not exactly apologetic, but at least we got somewhere. She'll lay off for a while, until she forgets.
I don't want to write about 9/11. I did think about it. I did remember it. And I didn't want to write about it.
And I spent too much time in the car. I had a glass of wine, some good dinner, and some lime sherbert. And tomorrow is Saturday. I get to sleep in. And relax.
[1] Some of you have been enlightened about what X might be. More information about X will be forthcoming for those of you who don't know what it is in a few weeks.
