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Feb. 29th, 2008 06:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geminigirlMany years ago, in my early 20s, someone I know paid me a tremendous complement...he said that I was very "at home in my body." I was just learning to be okay with who I was as a person on the whole, as a woman, as bisexual, as a Jew, and the various other labels I've applied to myself, and that complement, given when I was dancing barefoot in a sports bra and baggy pants, in my own world, I doubt that the person who said it remember saying it-it was probably far more important to me than to him.
So this isn't really important. It's just that things are changing rapidly enough that I don't feel at home right now. My body is being borrowed, and for a good reason, but the things that I'm suddenly discovering are painful or different or uncomfortable or awkward are happening so fast that I can't get used to one before there's another. I'm feeling very close to the steering wheel in my car, for example, and it's a bit awkward to get in or out. Reaching the toilet paper in my bathroom is sometimes a bit odd. All sorts of little things. And eating is an adventure-will it go down, will it stay down, will I be hungry again in an hour if I eat it? Then there are of course today's events, where I got so lightheaded in Border's that I was afraid to drive until I'd had a snack, and of course there's nothing remotely healthy for a snack.
Really, it's just that I don't feel at home anymore. I had this startling moment last Sunday when I got dressed and noticed just how large and round I looked. It startled me, a lot. And it continues to do so. Rolling over in bed is quite an amusing sight right now. My hip joints are sliding around...this is normal for this point in pregnancy but it's still uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes frustrting.
I'm thrilled that we're going to have a baby. I just want to feel a little bit like I know how I'm moving or what I'm doing.
In more pleasant news/less whining...the baby looks great, is head down, and stubbornly won't give us any face views. The perinatologist's ultrasound was kind of fun on Tuesday because the baby was clearly responding to things like pressure from the probe, and I could watch the foot or hand draw back to punch or kick at me before it happened, and because Cayne got to watch some of the action. And because the baby seems to be growing just fine (right below the 50th percentile) the perinatologist is probably done with me. I've scheduled one more appointment with them but it's in the 38th week-I suspect Dr Parker will tell me not to bother, and they seemed to think as long as Dr. Parker is doing non-stress tests starting at 35 or 36 weeks (I doubt he's going to start before 40 weeks) things are fine. And I'm okay with that. It's winding down time-finishing projects, getting ready, getting lots of rest, and enjoying the last few weeks of being just the two of us. I love just the two of us, but I'm also looking forward to becoming a family of three.
So this isn't really important. It's just that things are changing rapidly enough that I don't feel at home right now. My body is being borrowed, and for a good reason, but the things that I'm suddenly discovering are painful or different or uncomfortable or awkward are happening so fast that I can't get used to one before there's another. I'm feeling very close to the steering wheel in my car, for example, and it's a bit awkward to get in or out. Reaching the toilet paper in my bathroom is sometimes a bit odd. All sorts of little things. And eating is an adventure-will it go down, will it stay down, will I be hungry again in an hour if I eat it? Then there are of course today's events, where I got so lightheaded in Border's that I was afraid to drive until I'd had a snack, and of course there's nothing remotely healthy for a snack.
Really, it's just that I don't feel at home anymore. I had this startling moment last Sunday when I got dressed and noticed just how large and round I looked. It startled me, a lot. And it continues to do so. Rolling over in bed is quite an amusing sight right now. My hip joints are sliding around...this is normal for this point in pregnancy but it's still uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes frustrting.
I'm thrilled that we're going to have a baby. I just want to feel a little bit like I know how I'm moving or what I'm doing.
In more pleasant news/less whining...the baby looks great, is head down, and stubbornly won't give us any face views. The perinatologist's ultrasound was kind of fun on Tuesday because the baby was clearly responding to things like pressure from the probe, and I could watch the foot or hand draw back to punch or kick at me before it happened, and because Cayne got to watch some of the action. And because the baby seems to be growing just fine (right below the 50th percentile) the perinatologist is probably done with me. I've scheduled one more appointment with them but it's in the 38th week-I suspect Dr Parker will tell me not to bother, and they seemed to think as long as Dr. Parker is doing non-stress tests starting at 35 or 36 weeks (I doubt he's going to start before 40 weeks) things are fine. And I'm okay with that. It's winding down time-finishing projects, getting ready, getting lots of rest, and enjoying the last few weeks of being just the two of us. I love just the two of us, but I'm also looking forward to becoming a family of three.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-01 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-01 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-02 01:48 am (UTC)I'm glad the ultrasound was fun!
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Date: 2008-03-02 05:08 am (UTC)