(no subject)

[geminigirl]

My mother is apparently not doing well. I spoke briefly on the phone with my Dad yesterday, who mentioned it when I told him I needed something from my Mom. She's been at the chiropractor three times in four days, I think she goes again tomorrow. She's even considering a visit to the orthopedist for a pain killer. If she's in that much pain, I worry. I can't help but worry. Because she's not home in bed, my going up there wouldn't do any good, but since I'm out of the loop and have no idea what's going on, it's hard. She's had problems with tendonitis (in the same place I have it) and with pinched nerves in her back before, but from what Dad said, it's neither of these things. I was diagnosed with early stage degenerative disk disease in my neck earlier this year, and I wonder if that's the same thing she's got going on, but in a later stage than I do. Course Mom won't tell me what's going on...I rely on my sister and my Dad for that. I've said it before, and here I go again, but it's hard for me to be away from my parents when they're not well, as they're getting older. It was hard for me to have to set up all the cell phone stuff for them recently...that's not the sort of thing I expected to do for them until I was older...until they were older, until I was grown up. After her parents moved to Florida, my mom travelled back and forth on a regular basis to visit them. When her father died, in 1996, she and one of her brothers were back and forth regularly, almost on a rotating basis visiting my grandmother. (Her other brother, the middle child has MS, and lives near where my grandparents did, and was there much more often.) But when it came to some things, it was my mother, the daughter who was responsible for them. And despite the fact that I'm the oldest, and my Mom is the youngest, I can see where this is going. I can see what my responsibilities are going to be, and I'm okay with that. But it's hard sometimes for me to be okay with it, for me to realize that it will happen, that the three of us are going to have to deal with aging and elderly parents, and sooner than I'd like to think about. (My mom is nearly 60, my dad is 66.) No matter how strained things have been between my family and me, I do love them, and I will take care of them, because I have to. Because that's the way it is. I don't resent it, I'm kind of resigned to it. I admit, I worry about it. Even now.

In more pleasant news, good things arrived by mail yesterday. I don't want to talk about it here yet, but it's good news. And I'm hoping it will be better news soon. I'm patient, but sometimes waiting is hard.

Comments

[wait.livejournal.com]

My grandmother lived with my family from the time that I was 13 until I was 20.

Hugs for your mom.

[geminigirl]

We talked about that after my grandmother died, but her life was established down there, and she wanted to stay. She did sell the condo she and my grandfather had owned, and move into an assisted living community.

My mother is rather adamant about limiting the amount of caregiving that any of us have to do. We've had a number of conversations about this, most recently when she was here after my surgery. When they went to England a few years ago, my Mom insisted that my signature get added to the safe deposit box, just in case. They added some stuff to their wills (which are so outdated and need to be updated. They still have things about custody for minor children in them. None of us have been under 18 since 1996.) But Mom was telling me about advanced directives, and living wills and long term care insurance. And I'm glad she's thought ahead and all, but no one wants to think about it. I think though, that I may declare a family meeting to go over all of this stuff at some point. I know for example, that they own cemetary plots, and I know which cemetary they're at, but I don't know where any of the documents are, or anything like that. I don't know where the wills are, or the health care directives are.

It's all hard. There's nothing that I can think of that would help me prepare to do this, other than the fact that I know its something that my future holds...

I'm not going to think about it anymore today.

[wait.livejournal.com]

Nod nod.

Think about fuzzy Beta and Oblivion having a cocktail party while you are at work. :)

[lcohen]

i hope that she feels better soon. 60 is not that old!!!!

*hugs for you*

Cute Kitty

[mqtgal.livejournal.com]

Just had to say cute cat

[geminigirl]

More likely it was a butt sniffing party.