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Feb. 27th, 2005 10:32 pmCourtesy of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
salliesandbags
A Glossary of Kink Related Yiddish Terms
If you're looking for pronounciation advice, let me know.
You don't want to hear about the rest of my weekend. It was all about fighting with my Mom and bridesmaidzilla (aka my sister) about wedding details, and my Mom saying a lot of things to Cayne that I'm not supposed to have heard (but which I did anyway) that were nothing she hadn't said before, but which hurt my feelings nonetheless. I suppose Mom and I are in one of our dysfunctional phases...she's insanely toxic when we're like this. They tend to be short lived, and I suppose this one will end sometime around when the wedding planning comes to a close.
I suspect Mom was furious when Cayne told her that I had said that I didn't want to talk to her anymore last night. I'd gotten off the phone with her, without hanging up on each other...in that conversation, she said "perhaps it would be better if we didn't talk anymore tonight." I agreed. And then, I lost it, and broke down in tears. Cayne sent me off for a bath, and while I was crying, and on my way up to the bath, I said to him that I didn't want to talk to my Mom or sister anymore that night. Shortly after that, Mom called back. I was in the bath...Cayne certainly could have just told her that I was in the bath and would call her later or tomorrow, but he told her that I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore that night...which undoubtedly sent her into a tirade about how awful I am. Because it's perfectly okay for Mom to say that we shouldn't talk anymore that night, but it's not okay for me to say that. Mom and boundaries just don't mix...you know, I'm not allowed to actually have any when it comes to my Mom. I'm going out to Mom and Dad's this week for a bunch of wedding stuff...I'm not looking forward to it.
On top of this, Mom is saying that if I'm not sure that I like my wedding dress that I should go look for a new one. This is her subtle way of saying "are you sure your dress will still fit you?" The truth is, I'm not 100% sure about the dress, but that's fine. I'm not sure if it's the dress that I don't like or just my own body image issues that get in the way of my really seeing how the dress looks. At least we've settled the stupid bridesmaids dress issue, mostly. I just need to decide on the color of my sister's dress.
I'm so stressed from the wedding that I can feel the tension in my back and neck...so can Cayne, or for that matter, anyone who touches me.
If you happened to see me this weekend and I was not my usual self, I apologize. I'm just about to crack under the wedding stuff. Maybe I'll make it through the next three and a half months. Maybe.
salliesandbagsA Glossary of Kink Related Yiddish Terms
If you're looking for pronounciation advice, let me know.
You don't want to hear about the rest of my weekend. It was all about fighting with my Mom and bridesmaidzilla (aka my sister) about wedding details, and my Mom saying a lot of things to Cayne that I'm not supposed to have heard (but which I did anyway) that were nothing she hadn't said before, but which hurt my feelings nonetheless. I suppose Mom and I are in one of our dysfunctional phases...she's insanely toxic when we're like this. They tend to be short lived, and I suppose this one will end sometime around when the wedding planning comes to a close.
I suspect Mom was furious when Cayne told her that I had said that I didn't want to talk to her anymore last night. I'd gotten off the phone with her, without hanging up on each other...in that conversation, she said "perhaps it would be better if we didn't talk anymore tonight." I agreed. And then, I lost it, and broke down in tears. Cayne sent me off for a bath, and while I was crying, and on my way up to the bath, I said to him that I didn't want to talk to my Mom or sister anymore that night. Shortly after that, Mom called back. I was in the bath...Cayne certainly could have just told her that I was in the bath and would call her later or tomorrow, but he told her that I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore that night...which undoubtedly sent her into a tirade about how awful I am. Because it's perfectly okay for Mom to say that we shouldn't talk anymore that night, but it's not okay for me to say that. Mom and boundaries just don't mix...you know, I'm not allowed to actually have any when it comes to my Mom. I'm going out to Mom and Dad's this week for a bunch of wedding stuff...I'm not looking forward to it.
On top of this, Mom is saying that if I'm not sure that I like my wedding dress that I should go look for a new one. This is her subtle way of saying "are you sure your dress will still fit you?" The truth is, I'm not 100% sure about the dress, but that's fine. I'm not sure if it's the dress that I don't like or just my own body image issues that get in the way of my really seeing how the dress looks. At least we've settled the stupid bridesmaids dress issue, mostly. I just need to decide on the color of my sister's dress.
I'm so stressed from the wedding that I can feel the tension in my back and neck...so can Cayne, or for that matter, anyone who touches me.
If you happened to see me this weekend and I was not my usual self, I apologize. I'm just about to crack under the wedding stuff. Maybe I'll make it through the next three and a half months. Maybe.
