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Apr. 5th, 2010 10:12 pmThe occasional fuss to sleep because I'm doing something like making myself something to eat or putting the other child to bed does not make me the worst mother ever. Right?
I wish I felt more comfortable leaving Miri with a sitter so I could go do things. With all the trouble we've had with nursing, I'm reluctant to leave her right now. When she nurses less I might feel more comfortable about it, but I worry too much about losing my meager supply to leave her alone right now. And that's the thing...doing stuff with Naomi in tow is no big deal most of the time-a few exceptions, like going to the library for my own books, for example, but most of my errands aren't bad with Naomi along. It's Miriam who makes things challenging. She doesn't have a great deal of patience for being worn, and she can't sit up yet, which means schlepping the car seat just in case she throws a fit. She doesn't have a predictable nap/eating/wetting schedule yet, so I never know if she's going to decide she wants to eat right in the middle of the grocery store, which makes everything take longer. The fact that she's so fussy doesn't help either...it's hard to take a crying baby out...I want to stop at the mall and look at the clearance dresses now that Easter is over but I'm reluctant to do that without another pair of hands to amuse Naomi when Miri needs to eat or something.
I know it'll get easier as Naomi becomes better able to follow directions and as Miri spaces out feedings. I'm just impatient and tired. I know it'll get better when crunch is over and Cayne is home more (which should be soon, I think. Maybe even this week if we're lucky.)
And you know, even if I make mistakes now, I hope my kids will grow up and forgive me.
I wish I felt more comfortable leaving Miri with a sitter so I could go do things. With all the trouble we've had with nursing, I'm reluctant to leave her right now. When she nurses less I might feel more comfortable about it, but I worry too much about losing my meager supply to leave her alone right now. And that's the thing...doing stuff with Naomi in tow is no big deal most of the time-a few exceptions, like going to the library for my own books, for example, but most of my errands aren't bad with Naomi along. It's Miriam who makes things challenging. She doesn't have a great deal of patience for being worn, and she can't sit up yet, which means schlepping the car seat just in case she throws a fit. She doesn't have a predictable nap/eating/wetting schedule yet, so I never know if she's going to decide she wants to eat right in the middle of the grocery store, which makes everything take longer. The fact that she's so fussy doesn't help either...it's hard to take a crying baby out...I want to stop at the mall and look at the clearance dresses now that Easter is over but I'm reluctant to do that without another pair of hands to amuse Naomi when Miri needs to eat or something.
I know it'll get easier as Naomi becomes better able to follow directions and as Miri spaces out feedings. I'm just impatient and tired. I know it'll get better when crunch is over and Cayne is home more (which should be soon, I think. Maybe even this week if we're lucky.)
And you know, even if I make mistakes now, I hope my kids will grow up and forgive me.
