(no subject)

[geminigirl]

I'm not goint to make a pro or anti breastfeeding statement here. I feel like one should choose whatever is healtiest for both Mom and baby, whether that's only breastfeeding, some combination of formula and breast feeding, or formula feeding alone. I know what I want to do when it's my turn, if possible, but that's all irrelevant here.

So, in one of the wedding communities, there's a woman picking out bridesmaids dresses. Her first post linked to a beautiful dress, but based on the description of her bridesmaids (she described them all as "busty",) it was probably not a good choice. She also mentioned that one of her bridesmaids was breastfeeding. Okay, no big deal. Breastfeeding is a normal thing to be doing, and I expect that one of my bridesmaids will probably need to do it during my wedding. I mentioned that the dress would probably be uncomfortable for someone large chested because finding an appropriate bra for underneath would be impossible. (Or nearly so.) I also mentioned that it might be difficult for her breastfeeding bridesmaid to breastfeed in that dress.

She responded with a comment about how she hoped that the bridesmaid would prepare in advance for that, by making bottles or whatever. Because milk-producing breasts stop working for your wedding, right? Whether or not the baby is hungry, the milk still comes, and needs to be removed from the breast. Or, at least as far as I've been told, they will hurt and be leaky. She then posted a different dress, which was very similar to the first, not much in the way of straps, etc. for women who aren't comfortable in strapless bras, and so on. And the same thing, with breastfeeding bridesmaid will be a problem. She'll still have to nearly undress in order to get at her breasts.

Maybe I'm nicer than most, or something. Or more considerate or something (although I really don't think so.) But I knew breastfeeding bridesmaids were something I needed to plan for. And so, in hunting up dresses, I made a point of looking for one that would work for that. And lucked out finding one that made it even easier than I thought. And you know, it it happened to not have worked out that way, I'd have probably gone for separates, which would have likely been easier than a one piece dress.

I just don't get it. It feels really bridezilla to not care about making sure that the bridesmaids are comfortable in what they wear and can do things like breastfeed.

Comments

[kellfire.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm nicer than most, or something. Or more considerate or something

A wedding is all about the bride - as it should be :) But some bride's don't really see past themselves to think about other's.

i can definitely see people i've known with the attitude you described.

They're the same people that make their bridesmaids wear peach organza scarlett o'hara gowns with high heels and pair up bitter enemies as bridal procession partners and serve tiny tiny appatizer's after a 4 hour catholic mass wedding!

[sambc.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you - it seems rather inconsiderate of this Bridezilla to think that a constant part of her bridesmaid's life should (or even could) be suspended for the day.

To be more charitable, prehaps she doesn't realise that breastfeeding regularly is important for the mother's comfort as well?

Tales from breastfeeding...

[deza.livejournal.com]

I can remember walking along in a store, and suddenly feeling wetness around my waist. I looked down, and the front of my shirt was completely soaked from the nipple line down. And that was through breast shields, the fun little bits of plastic you put in your bra to catch leaks.

Should make for some interesting photos if that happens during the reception...

[wait.livejournal.com]

It is a bridesmaid's duty to drop everything and attend to a bride's every need. Anything less would be heresy.

[geminigirl]

Lets see...no peach organza, and absolutely no pink.

No Scarlet O'Hara...this is the bridesmaid dress.

Also, no matching shoes or hair. Let them wear what fits and looks good. Maybe matching jewlery, but that depends on what I find.

Lots of food. Incredibly scary amounts of food.

And as for bitter enemies...most of the attendants don't know one another. No enmity there.

I think we've got it covered.

[geminigirl]

Someone told her that after I pointed out that her dress would make it difficult to breastfeed in it. Her second choice dress had the same breastfeeding problems as the first...I don't think she gets it.

Re: Tales from breastfeeding...

[geminigirl]

What a perfect icon.

I can't tell if I should be amused or horrified at your story. But I sort of hope, if she makes things incredibly inconvenient for the breastfeeding woman, that it does happen. Course I might feel bad if it ruined the dress though...

[geminigirl]

And it's my job to not be grateful for it. Nor considerate.

Right. I'm just glad that I've got my sister and Sonja to help out. They've been fantastic. I'd love if Rachel had more time, but it's hard for her with the baby, so I'm glad for what she does help with...mostly supportive e-mails and phone calls and talking me down off of ledges when I've had it with my Mom.

[wait.livejournal.com]

Bingo.

As a hostess, you've thought that perhaps your attendants might want to *enjoy* themselves at the wedding. That's a radical idea, my dear.

Weddings can bring out the beast in everyone. Breathe. Know that it's only temporary.

Can you imagine if this was the olden days and you were still worrying about having sex with him for the first time, on top of all of this? ;)

[geminigirl]

Are you implying that I've already had sex with him? What in the world would make you think that!

I want the people there with me to enjoy themselves...and to be comfortable. I want people to have fun and celebrate...that's what this is about.

I know that I have, and probably will continue to have, my bridezilla moments. Stress does that to people. I will be very glad when this part is over...in 367 days.

Someone else quoted "When Harry Met Sally" today, and it's just apropos...the part about when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Yep. When it's right, the waiting really is the hardest part.

[fairion.livejournal.com]

Yes but we knew you would not be a bridezilla. And those dresses look lovely and comfortable.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

If that bridesmaid really cared about the bride, she'd wean her baby in time for the wedding.

[katishna.livejournal.com]

That dress is GORGEOUS, and yes, it would be no effort hardly to BF in it. That other woman, well, I think you pretty much put it in the best terms I could ever dream of. I'd have been yelling at her for being so stupid and inconsiderate :)

[geminigirl]

Oh! So that's how I'm supposed to do this wedding thing! I must have missed that in the instructions.

(You and Michael and I need to make some plans. Aside from just plain being far too long since I've seen you, I'm figuring on being here only another 12 weeks or so max-give or take. And by the way, that's a fabulously flattering photo.)

[geminigirl]

I commented on two different posts of hers about the breast feeding issue. I don't know her nor care enough to really let her have it; I hope that her breastfeeding bridesmaid really does tell her the whole truth.

My sister actually was the one who picked the dress; I really liked it, I think it will flatter a lot of different body types, and not being all one color, it helps.

Oh, and she did pick a different dress...it's that one which has all the same problems as the first two she picked.

[geminigirl]

I think anyone planning a wedding is entitled to a few bridezilla moments. I fear becoming a total bridezilla all the time though.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Four hours?
Really?
Eek.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

What colors did you choose?

[geminigirl]

Not sure yet. I really liked the hunter green, which isn't as dark as I would have expected. My Mom insists that it's too dark, but she hasn't actually seen the swatches yet, only the computer generatied colors.

If I decide the hunter is too dark (for a Sunday afternoon in June) probably the victorian lilac.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

heh. I think I may have worn that one in Julie's wedding. Have worn it another two times for formal occasions.

Doesn't seem too easy to modify, no. But possible. I usually wear the stole pinned to the spaghetti straps, so she could maybe add slits to the front seams?

I really liked the dresses on the site you found yours at -- they're rather attractive just as formals.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

so the skirt comes in a color but the top is white? or does it come in color too?

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

argh! Leaving already?
Ah, well...

[geminigirl]

White, ivory, or the same color as the dress.

We'll do either white or ivory, depending on the color of my dress. I love the contrast.

[geminigirl]

Maybe. I'm not sure it would hold up to that. I think it also doesn't really account for the desire of some larger breasted women to wear bras with straps. I think at least, this one is going to be better suited to a long line bra than either of her other two choices.

I really like the Alfred Angelo dresses as well. They had some beautiful dresses. I fell in love with one of the wedding dresses from there too, but I'm not sure about it yet...I want sleeves on my dress, and the dress was sleeveless.

[geminigirl]

Three to four months max. Nothing is definite yet. I know funding for my job runs out at the end of September. There's a slim chance that there will be funding for me after that, depending on what happens with grants that are being issued soon.

[katishna.livejournal.com]

I think after that I'd tell her thanks but no thanks, not going to be in her wedding. I'd probably call her a bridezilla too but I"m in a mood this morning.

[iamlisabee.livejournal.com]

As an ex-extended-breastfeeder, I agree with you to a certain extent.

First, the dress she's picked out is pretty, but (as a woman with big tits) there's no way you'd get me into it, breastfeeding or not. I can't wear a bra with that thing!

Second, my experience is that almost any dress is going to be a hassle to breastfeed in. The dress you've picked out will be less so, but still, it'll probably be a bit of a hassle.

Third, the bridesmaid has signed on to do the job. She probably has a pretty good idea that just about any dress she gets is going to be annoying and difficult to breastfeed in. Yet, she's still accepting the position. She may have come up with arrangements of her own... or not.

I don't know quite where I'm going here, except to say that there are still loads of people out there who haven't got a clue about breastfeeding. Those of us who do it learn to navigate around the idiots anyways.

[geminigirl]

Breastfeeding bridesmaid spoke up and said that it would be nearly impossible for her to find an appropriate bra, and she would wear the final choice dress (I linked to it somehwere else) for the ceremony, but would have to change into something else for the reception, if that was okay for the bride.

The bride didn't respond publically. I don't know what she decided.

[geminigirl]

I tried to make it as simple as possible. aquariumgirl asked that I do that, it wasn't too difficult to find something that made it less difficult than some of the other things. (She had actually specifically requested buttons, and I didn't think we'd be able to find it, but my sister did.)

I guess, what I was getting at with the original post was that while it's not an ideal situation, to try and be a bridesmaid and breast feed all at once, there are ways that brides can make it less inconvenient for the people who are standing up with us. And there's sort of no reason to ignore that possibility.

If someone is going to do me the honor of standing up with me at my wedding, I want them to enjoy it. It means a lot to me that they would do it, and why in the world would I want to make it difficult for them?

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

That seems like a good compromise. The last wedding I attended 3 of the 4 bridesmaids changed into something else between the pictures and the reception.

I almost suggested that as an idea, but figured that for some reason the bride wanted the bridesmaids in the dresses during the reception. (To be honest I was also afraid people would think me horrible for suggesting that the bridesmaid wear the unfriendly dress at all).

Out of curiosity, how close to her original shape is the bridesmaid? It's a great dress for later use.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Hm.
There's a similar dress with flutter sleeves that would make a lot more sense for busty women than the one with spaghetti straps.

If the dresses are ordered at the same time then she can get the exact same colour. Julie gave us a choice between these two dresses (strappy / flutter) The bridesmaid who chose the flutter sleeves also got a stole like the others to go with it.


Julie's original directions were "something purple" before she realized that one person wanted to make a dress, one wanted to wear a dress she already had (more blue than purple) and I just wanted someone to please tell me what to do.