(no subject)

[geminigirl]

There was someone in my last group who was born a year after I graduated high school.

That's terrifying.

In other news, my Mom keeps asking if I can take Monday off or not...she wants (I think) to go wedding dress shopping with me. Probably in Brooklyn. (Why Brooklyn? I'm looking for a dress that's far more modest than most of the dresses that are available, and a good place to do that is in neighborhoods that cater to the more religious women. In Brooklyn, it's Jews. I've been checking out the Mormon stuff too.)

I'm not ready to go dress shopping with my Mom yet. Way too stressful. Mom is mean when I shop with her-it's why I've avoided it for years. If I could do the whole wedding dress project without her, I would. But she made it very clear that I was absolutely not to make a final decision without her on it. And that, I can accept.

But I don't want to do it on Monday with her. I want to have the opportunity to enjoy the wedding dress hunt first.

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

Can you stall your mom about going shopping until after you get a chance to look around and find something you like? I went shopping with a friend, and only took my mom once I'd picked out something.

And you're entitled to enjoy the hunt. It's one of those things that is fun about getting married :-)

[geminigirl]

I'm trying very hard to stall her on it. There's some stuff I really don't want to deal with wedding-wise without Cayne there (photography and djs, for example) and some stuff I can deal with-bridesmaids dresses and flowers without him. I may try and convince Mom to do those sorts of things on Monday instead of trying to shop for a wedding dress for me.

The one thing I do have going for me is that my mother hates shopping. I may be able to wrangle that angle, and point out that if she waits, we'll waste less time, and she'll have to do less shopping with me.

And if it comes down to it, I'm going to tell her why I don't want to shop with her...which will hurt her feelings. She's also very bad about respecting boundaries sometimes, and I'm just going to have to cope with that.

Appeal to higher authority

[(Anonymous)]

I have no idea if this option is available to you, but...

One of the best decisions we made in my first marriage (not Pygment, be confused now) was to take my Grandmom dress shopping. She was thrilled to be involved in the process and Mom couldn't naysay anything since that would've meant contradicting what Grandmom approved.

If you have an elder respected relative whom you like, consider involving that person. Explain to your Mom that Mom gets to be involved in the wedding a lot and you want to give others a chance to feel part of the event too.

--wex

Re: Appeal to higher authority

[geminigirl]

Keeping me sane has largely fallen to aquariumgirl lately, who I can't imagine going through this without. She's offered to do a lot of the dress shopping with me, and to even go with me when we make the final decision, to keep me from letting my mother get to me too much.

Unfortunately, all of my older relatives are pretty much gone. The one person who I might trust with this, my Aunt, my mother thinks she's off her rocker most of the time anyway. It's a good suggestion, just not workable in my family.

I think I'm just going to fall back on aquariumgirl here, and let her help me deal.

(And I'm not confused; I knew you had a marriage prior to Pygment.)

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Hugs, and good luck standing your ground on this. Go shopping first yourself, and when you have found The Dress, take her by the store to see it before you purchase it.

I wonder if the Lower East Side might also have some of the more conservative shops like you are looking for...

[geminigirl]

Thought about the L.E.S as well; Mom got the name of a particular place in Brooklyn, which is why she suggested there.

I'm really more interested in standing firm on what I want though; I don't want to do this with her-if I could keep her out of the entire process, I would.

I'm flexible about a lot of the things involved in the wedding, but this is one that I don't feel like I need to put additional stress over myself on. Finding and buying a dress is stressful enough. If I have to hurt her feelings, I will. And I'll genuinely feel bad about it, but not at the expense of my own self-esteem. It's not going to go away with "But I'm only saying it because I love you." And at almost 30 years old, I don't have to put up with that anymore.

[xrew.livejournal.com]

What's even more terrifying is meeting a cute girl in the park, talking to her for a while only to discover that not only is she younger than she looks, but actually was born the year you graduated high school... then, feeling like total scum, admitting you're 37 going about your business with the residual feeling that you're a dirty old man at 37.

What is it with 19 year olds who look like adults..?! They should have to wear age tags... lol

Technically

[maxdwolf.livejournal.com]

She is an adult, and would probably have been insulted that you consider her not to be.

Anyways, better than finding out she's 16, after you've already been bad. ;)

Re: Technically

[xrew.livejournal.com]

Well, technically an adult and actually an adult are very different things from where I'm sitting.

And yes, you are right, better to find out before I'm getting locked up. :)

Yes

[maxdwolf.livejournal.com]

And the fact that you are both in different life stages may be enough to put a damper on things romantically (speaking of the 19 y.o. here).

But to me adult simply means responsible for oneself and one's action. In that regards, I primarily judge people by their actions rather than age (given that their of legal age of course).