The continuing invitation saga

[geminigirl]

As you may or may not have read earlier, when Mom and I decided how many invitations to order, Mom's estimation of how many she would need was short by about twenty-five. This despite my overestimating how many Cayne and I would need (on purpose.) So last night, Mom and I discussed this, and I called the invitation place to order an additional quantity.

Fine, so far, right?

The cost for the first batch of invitations is always the highest. Most places require you to order fifty, fortunately, I can order only twenty-five. The cost however, is, as I expected it to be...exhorbitant. In fact, nearly $200, which is more than I'd expected, but still not entirely unexpected.

I let Mom know this after I'd agreed to the invitation order, and she flipped out on me...wondering why I didn't argue with the guy to get the price down, and why I didn't want to call him back to do so. (The guy owns the business, and discounts the book prices 25%.) There are some times and places it's okay to haggle. There are others that aren't. This is one that I don't feel was okay. But she pulls out her "You're almost 30 years old, you should be able to do this, call him back and tell him your mother flipped out" and "Why are you so uncomfortable doing this" and more and so on. And I told her that I had a problem asking him to cut his earnings because of her mistake, that it was her responsibility to do it right the first time. I told her that I was tired of her "You're almost N age line" because it's one that she uses when she wants me to do something without any regard to how I might feel about it, or what I might think is right or wrong. At which point, she tried to tell me that my analysis was in fact right, and I should do it anyway, and maybe I'd feel differently if I was spending my own money. (Uh, no...I'd have felt the same way.)

The end result is she yelled at me, hung up and said she'd do it herself. I gave her the number. Let her do it, if she believes it's okay. This isn't a time when I believe it is. She messed up-she could have had a more precise count by the time we were ordering the invitations-it's not like this wasn't something she was expecting to need to do.

And this is on top of yesterday's argument which ended when I hung up on her, which was about why I bought a second wedding dress.

Comments

[zurcherart.livejournal.com]

"You're almost 30 years old, you should be able to do this, call him back and tell him your mother flipped out"

That's a funny line ... maybe your mom can't hear herself. Cause that's the match point in the argument - in your favor.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

agreed.
She should have been handling that all anyway - you're right - it was her screwup.

Second wedding dress? Did I miss somethign while I was away?

[zurcherart.livejournal.com]

oh, and I meant bwa-ha-ha funny (from a distance anyway)

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

or retort "Mom, you are almost x years, you should be able to not flip out over invitations."

[geminigirl]

Exactly. She has a problem, let her do it. What bothers me more is that she's known about this for months and months-getting an accurate list of names could have, and should have been done ages ago...even if it was lacking addresses...those weren't needed til later.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

"Gee, mom, you're almost x, you think you'd be able to count by now."

I know I'd never have the guts to actually say that out loud, but it's what popped into my head when I read this.

She should be the one to call, anyway - it's her screwup.

It will all be over soon. Just keep saying that. The wedding will be over, and you can get on with your life with Cayne.

[alibee.livejournal.com]

Your response made me laugh. :)

Weddings are a pain. :( Just remember the end goal: love!

[geminigirl]

And when it really sucks, I just remember that the only thing that matters is that I end up married to Cayne at the end of the day.

But it would be nice if I wasn't dreading the sucking.

[geminigirl]

I told her I'd call and take care of re-ordering the invites...which I did. But it was the "you should have haggled over it" that bothered me.

Getting a guest list from Mom was like pulling teeth...it was such a nuisance. I'm glad that part is over, and I'll be even happier when it's really done.

[holliehoxenfree.livejournal.com]

Moms can be a right, royal bitch to handle.

Especially if you actually, ya know, love them. And often, even like them in the hanging out category.

This is a tense time for you right now and for her too. You, however, are the one getting married and you are the one who, on top of planning a wedding, is dealing with the emotional buildup to a major change in status regarding committment and life and not being single, etc.

In an ideal world, mom would be able to see that the best thing she can do for you is to not stress out or stress you out. In the real world, she is caught between wanting everything to be perfect for you, everything to be perfect for her and then just losing her mind in 'oh my god my daughter is getting married' craziness.

I fought/hung up/cried with my mom a lot before my wedding. Of course, I fight with her a lot anyway because that's just, apparently, who we are. *hugs* I know its tough right now and I hope Cayne, some chocolate and some good music make your day better very soon.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

Wait-- since she screwed up on her estimation of invites, isn't she covering the bill for the extra invites?!??! *appalled*

I'm surprised you even gave her that-- when my mother told me she had underestimated-- I told her she simply would then have to work with what she had, and if she wanted to add 5 people, she would've to cut 5 people from the original list. End of story.

I stuck to our 90 guest list line and refused to cross it for anyone.

[geminigirl]

She is handling the bill for the extra invites. That doesn't mean she doesn't feel the need to haggle over the price...

I wish I'd set that firm line with my Mom months ago, but I knew that Mom's list was at least marginally flexible in the number of actual paper invites that she'd need, depending on whose children had moved away from home, or moved back home-we've got a large family, and address books are inconsistently updated. It's not so much that the number of people has increased, but the number of invitations.

[maxdwolf.livejournal.com]

"You're almost 30 years old, you should be able to do this, call him back and tell him your mother flipped out"

So you should be mature enough to let your mom push you around? *brain pops*