"I may see you, I may tell you to run"
Sep. 5th, 2002 12:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geminigirlI'm suddenly craving the quiet time. Me, and a bit of music and a few candles and that's it. Suddenly, silence. Despite the fact that it's way past bedtime, I'm sitting here writing though.
I've been fighting sudden bouts of depression and anger lately...I'm blaming PMS. It comes and as quickly as it's arrived it's gone. I've always been mercurial, but I'm hyper-aware at the moment. I went in to work on Wednesday morning growly and grumpy and within a half hour or so of settling in for what looked to be a long day, I was doing the happydance.
It's been days since I've updated my journal...I'd sit at the computer and feel like I should write something and then, well, not write anything. But there has been a lot going on.
The long weekend was a good thing. Saturday was a practical day...just got things done. I went to Target, to BJs, got the oil in my car changed and decided to give in and buy some new jeans. New jeans that were smaller than my old ones...that weren't relaxed fit jeans, that when I'm not PMSpuffy could probably be a size smaller. I went to the store where the old jeans came from, figuring I'd pick a couple of new pairs up, but probably a smaller size. They'd changed the cut of their jeans (which thankfully, the salesdroid told me right away) so that not only did a smaller size not fit right, but my old size didn't fit right either. They weren't unwearable, just not great...so I bought a couple of pairs and decided to keep looking. I went to a second store, tried on a couple of pairs of jeans, which were also okay, not great, but a bit better. The jeans from both stores though had the gaping waist problem-in order to fit comfortably in my hips and thighs, they ended up gaping in the waist. I'm ready to leave the mall, and on my way out, a store that I almost never go into had a big sign that they were having a 60% off sale on everything on their clearance rack. So I figured, I could go check it out, see what they had, and grab a few summer tops, and maybe the skirt that I'd tried on a few months back and decided not to buy. I'd never have thought to go there to buy jeans, but as I was heading to the fitting room to try some of the tops and sweaters on, I saw the jeans, and they were on sale and on a whim, I tried them on. And found a pair that fit...that weren't swimming on me in the waist, that curved nicely into the hips and all the ways jeans should fit. And they were on sale. And I was overjoyed. And bought the two pairs that this store had. And they called another nearby store and had them hold a couple of pairs for me until Monday. And I made a killing on sweaters-bought a couple of cool winter sweaters for like $6 and $8. These were $70 and $80 sweaters. I bought a really pretty twinset too. Just a great sale day. I am clearance rack queen!
Sunday was gaming with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aquariumgirl. She had a bunch of people over, including hotpoint and we played Civilization (the boardgame) all day. It was the worst game of Civ I ever played, but admittedly, the most fun I've had playing.
I bailed on Ren Faire withmeepkitty on Monday...I was tired. In fact, I'd just woken up when she called at 10:30, which is late these days. I did manage to get a few things done on Monday though.
I marvel at how aquariumgirl's friends seem to accept polyamory, and I can't imagine some of mine reacting the same way.
After the long weekend, back to work, back to lots of frantic things to do, and trying to figure out how to spend $4500 on supplies in a month. That's nearly an entire year's supply budget. And groups and scheduling and trying to get things moving for next year. September is the end of our grant year which means reporting stuff soon, too. Work's busy, but it's all busywork...paperwork, reports, supplies, scheduling. I managed to get some of the stuff we wanted to buy for free...which is helpful.
The Kitten will probably come home in about a week and a half. I wonder how Oblivion will feel about it, but there's not much I can do in the way of preparation. She's a sweetheart, and a cuddly affectionate munchkin now. I hope she'll stay that way and be able to share with a kitten.
And I am melancholy. I've been fighting the moping bug. I'm hoping it's just PMS and will go away in a few days. The fatigue is back with a vengance though, so I don't have much hope for that. Another CAT scan on the horizon. Which I meant to ask aquariumgirl about tonight and didn't. (Sweetie, if you read this, remind me to ask you about it.) I've had enough with the tests left and right...I just want to be done with that and know what's wrong so that I can have better advice than "Sleep."
I'm finding it harder to cope with September 11th stuff as the anniversary nears. Not sure why or what, but I suddenly get very shaken up everytime it comes on the tv or anything. It's freaking me out. I couldn't schedule my eye doctor appointment that day. I do have to teach that night, so I'm sure that I'll be out and about and away from tv most of the day...perhaps that's good...although I expect that Arlington will have quite a bit going on, and as I work within spitting distance of the Pentagon, it will be...awkward. I think GWB is going to be there in the AM for a bit.
September's just not a good month. Too many bad things have happened. And it's only the beginning of this one.
I've been fighting sudden bouts of depression and anger lately...I'm blaming PMS. It comes and as quickly as it's arrived it's gone. I've always been mercurial, but I'm hyper-aware at the moment. I went in to work on Wednesday morning growly and grumpy and within a half hour or so of settling in for what looked to be a long day, I was doing the happydance.
It's been days since I've updated my journal...I'd sit at the computer and feel like I should write something and then, well, not write anything. But there has been a lot going on.
The long weekend was a good thing. Saturday was a practical day...just got things done. I went to Target, to BJs, got the oil in my car changed and decided to give in and buy some new jeans. New jeans that were smaller than my old ones...that weren't relaxed fit jeans, that when I'm not PMSpuffy could probably be a size smaller. I went to the store where the old jeans came from, figuring I'd pick a couple of new pairs up, but probably a smaller size. They'd changed the cut of their jeans (which thankfully, the salesdroid told me right away) so that not only did a smaller size not fit right, but my old size didn't fit right either. They weren't unwearable, just not great...so I bought a couple of pairs and decided to keep looking. I went to a second store, tried on a couple of pairs of jeans, which were also okay, not great, but a bit better. The jeans from both stores though had the gaping waist problem-in order to fit comfortably in my hips and thighs, they ended up gaping in the waist. I'm ready to leave the mall, and on my way out, a store that I almost never go into had a big sign that they were having a 60% off sale on everything on their clearance rack. So I figured, I could go check it out, see what they had, and grab a few summer tops, and maybe the skirt that I'd tried on a few months back and decided not to buy. I'd never have thought to go there to buy jeans, but as I was heading to the fitting room to try some of the tops and sweaters on, I saw the jeans, and they were on sale and on a whim, I tried them on. And found a pair that fit...that weren't swimming on me in the waist, that curved nicely into the hips and all the ways jeans should fit. And they were on sale. And I was overjoyed. And bought the two pairs that this store had. And they called another nearby store and had them hold a couple of pairs for me until Monday. And I made a killing on sweaters-bought a couple of cool winter sweaters for like $6 and $8. These were $70 and $80 sweaters. I bought a really pretty twinset too. Just a great sale day. I am clearance rack queen!
Sunday was gaming with
aquariumgirl. She had a bunch of people over, including hotpoint and we played Civilization (the boardgame) all day. It was the worst game of Civ I ever played, but admittedly, the most fun I've had playing. I bailed on Ren Faire with
meepkitty on Monday...I was tired. In fact, I'd just woken up when she called at 10:30, which is late these days. I did manage to get a few things done on Monday though.I marvel at how aquariumgirl's friends seem to accept polyamory, and I can't imagine some of mine reacting the same way.
After the long weekend, back to work, back to lots of frantic things to do, and trying to figure out how to spend $4500 on supplies in a month. That's nearly an entire year's supply budget. And groups and scheduling and trying to get things moving for next year. September is the end of our grant year which means reporting stuff soon, too. Work's busy, but it's all busywork...paperwork, reports, supplies, scheduling. I managed to get some of the stuff we wanted to buy for free...which is helpful.
The Kitten will probably come home in about a week and a half. I wonder how Oblivion will feel about it, but there's not much I can do in the way of preparation. She's a sweetheart, and a cuddly affectionate munchkin now. I hope she'll stay that way and be able to share with a kitten.
And I am melancholy. I've been fighting the moping bug. I'm hoping it's just PMS and will go away in a few days. The fatigue is back with a vengance though, so I don't have much hope for that. Another CAT scan on the horizon. Which I meant to ask aquariumgirl about tonight and didn't. (Sweetie, if you read this, remind me to ask you about it.) I've had enough with the tests left and right...I just want to be done with that and know what's wrong so that I can have better advice than "Sleep."
I'm finding it harder to cope with September 11th stuff as the anniversary nears. Not sure why or what, but I suddenly get very shaken up everytime it comes on the tv or anything. It's freaking me out. I couldn't schedule my eye doctor appointment that day. I do have to teach that night, so I'm sure that I'll be out and about and away from tv most of the day...perhaps that's good...although I expect that Arlington will have quite a bit going on, and as I work within spitting distance of the Pentagon, it will be...awkward. I think GWB is going to be there in the AM for a bit.
September's just not a good month. Too many bad things have happened. And it's only the beginning of this one.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 05:42 am (UTC)You gonna be at Faire on Saturday by any chance?
Polyamory
Date: 2002-09-05 06:27 am (UTC)All of my friends have only ever known me as poly. I've been out as poly for fifteen years, so I think people who aren't accepting of that have long since "opted out" of being friends with me.
Actually, one of the things I wonder about sometimes is how I'll handle that if I should ever become a parent. Obviously, I'll then come into contact with a wide range of other parents with kids the same age, and I wonder if I'll be as forthcoming with information about my "lifestyle"... *sigh*
Do let me know about the CAT scan info!
no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 06:43 am (UTC)I'll drive to NY this weekend, and depending on the route I choose, I can have a good sightline of where the Towers used to be. Driving up the BQE is just creepy...it curves around, and you used to be able to look right accross the water and see lower Manhattan and the Twin Towers-it was a landmark, a way I knew that I was going where I needed to, and how far I was from home. It's sort of odd still to see it empty.
And I wonder how my Dad will be doing on 9/11...he hasn't talked about what happened at all, as far as I know. Not with me, and probably not with my sister,...it took him about a week to tell my Mom what happened, where he was, how he got out and all that.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 06:59 am (UTC)It seems like the 9/11 anniversary approaching is affecting a lot of people. Kim called me into the den this past weekend during our visit, saying "you have to see this!" The History Channel was doing a retrospective on the Towers - not just 9/11, the entire history of the WTC. Right after I walked in, there was a relatively up-close shot of Tower II falling, the one where it almost looks like part of it falls forward (even though it didn't).
Kim turned around suddenly as she heard me stifle a sob. I said something like, "I don't know why it hits me so hard; I didn't lose anyone or even have friends or family that had a close call, but I still want to cry when I think about 9/11, the Towers in particular."
I didn't tell her the other reason I almost started crying was thinking about you, geminigirl, and how you saw the Tower fall without knowing if your father got out. I just can't imagine...I know that the memory of that shock and fear is not something that you'll ever truly "get over," even though it's a blessing your Dad is ok!
So you still don't know how he got out, or where he was when the plane hit?
Whoa. That's the only thing I can say about that...not very articulate of me but it's the only thing I can think of to say.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 07:20 am (UTC)He and some other people were on the 40-somethingth floor, waiting to change elevators, and they saw the plane crash into their building on television tuned to CNN that they could see from where they were standing.
My Dad got out...I know no more than that, other than he went to < a href="http://www.economycandy.com/">Economy Candy (he knows Jerry, who owns/runs the place from when they were kids) where he stayed until he could get out of the city.
I heard about where he was and what he saw from my Mom. I know where he went because he mentioned it...he travels to the Lower East Side (where he grew up) at least twice a year for various foods and supplies, and he usually calls and asks if I want anything. In the Spring, when he did that, he said if I wanted to order stuff, Jerry could ship it but to make sure I thanked him for taking care of my Dad in September.
That's all I know of what happened. I was sitting on the floor screaming...shrieking when the towers started to fall. When my Mom finally called to tell me that my Dad was alive, that he'd called her, mixed in among the relief that we both felt, we both admitted that we were conviced he was dead when we saw the Towers falling. And I think that's something I haven't let go of...the very real fear of losing my Dad. This feels different from when he was sick while I was in college.
And in all of this horror, I can't imagine how much more horrible it must be for the people who actually lost Dads and Moms and sisters and brothers and partners and so on. I am so lucky, so lucky that my Dad made it out okay....and I know it. I think that's part of the reason I feel like I need to go home more often than I might have in the past, for more than just Thanksgiving, and the weekend I go home in February, but for my Dad's birthday this year, and Rosh Hashana and other things.
In some ways it doesn't feel like a year.
Re:
Date: 2002-09-05 07:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 08:55 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-05 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 07:40 pm (UTC)The surgery would have had to happen anyway (it's a knee replacement) but I don't know if what happened made it any worse...probably not. OTOH, my dad has aged dramatically in the last year. Overwhelmingly, he's changed, and it's so easy to see. I worry about that, and it makes it hard sometimes to be far from my family sometimes. I'll be glad to see them this weekend.
Odd...
Date: 2002-09-05 08:18 pm (UTC)Re: Odd...
Date: 2002-09-05 08:23 pm (UTC)