My Mother Says...

[geminigirl]

I don't need my mother's approval, but it's nice.

Not long before I gave birth to Naomi, my Mom had called me and said she was proud of me. I never quite got out of her exactly what she meant, but it had something to do with the calm way I handled pregnancy...with a minimum of complaining and even less freaking out, and I think also, at least when I was spending time with them (which I did three times over the course of the pregnancy...once at about 15 weeks, once at about 20 weeks and once at 39 weeks) being really clear about what I did need-I need to go home, I need to sit down I need to get something to eat, rather than just ignoring my needs and doing what Mom wanted.

But now I am (or we are, really) the one responsible for Naomi, and Cayne and I need to make the choices and decisions that guide her life and well being. And my Mom enjoys the updates about the baby...I think she's still not entirely adjusted into the idea of our being parents, but I think also after all the issues we had with Naomi right at birth in the hospital, it gives her some reassurance that everything really and truly is okay. So I called Mom yesterday after the pediatrician visit, and mentioned that the next visit, at two months was when vaccinations started but that we were feeling uncertain about how to handle that. I was surprised when my mother approves of our concern with the number of vaccinations and how they're given. My mother's comment, aside from expressing her approval? "You're good at research. Take your time." I told her what I'd discussed about the Sears vaccination schedule with someone else (he can speak up if he wants) and what we were thinking about doing. And she seems to support that decision as well thought out.

And it's not just the vaccinations...it's the way we've gone about dealing with the breastfeeding thing. She thinks its a bit weird, mostly cause she doesn't quite understand how it works (I think it will make more sense when she sees it.) But I explained why we're choosing to do it, and why it's so important to me to breastfeed, even if it's only part of what she gets. And she's supportive. She approves of my decision to take domperidone, and the work I'm doing to build supply.

It's not essential to have my mother's approval. We'll still make the decisions we feel are best because that's part of our task as parents. But I'll admit, it is kind of nice.

Comments

[jennifer0246.livejournal.com]

everything i've heard about your mom paints her as a wise, lovely person. in that vein, if she weren't proud of who you've become (and motherhood is just but a piece of that), i'd feel incredibly mislead. you're a fabulous person, and i love hearing of your new life as a mama.

that said: more baby pictures!!! :p

[jaclyn.livejournal.com]

I really like this post. And I know what it feels like to have a supportive word and situation with your mother. it really, really is nice.

I'm also proud of you for working with breastfeeding. I also think it's so, so important. I'd be interested in how your vax schedule goes, I know I will also have to deal with it sooner or later.

hubby is seemingly anti-vax, I'm leaning towards selective and delayed, but we both need to do our research. I got Sears vaccine book and plan to dive in eventually.

glad everything is good for you, it's so nice to read.

[fairion.livejournal.com]

I am glad that your mom is so supportive. As much as we know we can do the right thing no matter what other people think, it really helps when those we love are supportive. It was really hard for me to go ahead and take the domperidone against the advice of all those around me.

[geminigirl]

We're likely at the moment, to work from the Sears delayed schedule, but may play with the MMR...which I know is the one that people seem to object most strongly to, but my source (a friend who is a pediatrician himself but not our pediatrician) explained what his feeling on the timing of the measles vaccination on that schedule is, so we may adjust the timing of measles.

We're likely to skip/significantly delay the chicken pox vaccination. Our pediatrician tends not to give the Rotovirus vaccination unless parents request it, also.

I think, while you're talking to pediatricians, if that's the route you're going to go, ask what they feel about vaccinations and vax schedules-we knew we were looking for someone who would be flexible about it, and who would work with us on a vaccination schedule and who was, among other things, supportive of breastfeeding and other parenting choices. We did well in that regard.

[geminigirl]

I promise, more pictures forthcoming.

As for my Mom...we have our moments, and it took a long time before we got to the place we're at now. But in a sense, I wouldn't be who I am now without her, and well, I like (mostly) who I am now, and that's important. I've learned how to value my mother's input sometimes, that she does what she does and says what she says coming from a place of love and concern even when it's the wrong thing to say and even when it's the wrong thing. And she worries because she's my mother, no matter how much I would like her not to worry.

We still have our moments and we always will-that's part of being human, but I can appreciate what she says and where she comes from even if I don't always like it.

[geminigirl]

I think the decision to take the domperidone was easy for me-I knew going into breastfeeding that I might end up with serious supply issues and had at least intellectually prepared for it. And no one has advised against it...the only question I got from my mother about it was "Did the doctor give it to you?" Well, no the doctor didn't, the LC was the one who said to take it, but it's all the same to Mom...the LC works in the doctor's office and is a medical professional, so it's okay.

But it does help that my Mom supports my choices. I think it all ties into what my mother said months ago about leaving us alone with the baby until we felt confident in our ability to take care of her. Having her agree with my choices feeds that confidence, even if I was feeling good about the choices beforehand, knowing that she thinks they're good ones after the fact makes it feel better. And I think the fact that we're feeling confident shows-we were out ordering the ottoman that we'd forgotten to order to go with the chair for the baby's room, the women in the baby-product-store were commenting on how un-nervous the two of us seemed. I think also making a point of going out and doing stuff has also helped. Really though, it's sort of just believing that we're going to do okay is a big factor.