Is this really what we should be teaching about men?

[geminigirl]

(I know a couple of you probably read the same post on the mailing list I'm about to talk about...I just couldn't formulate a polite response to the sentiment so I'm going to talk about it here and maybe something will come up and I can write a nice, polite and disgusted response.)

A parenting mailing list I'm on has had a recent conversation about protecting our children from the threat of molesters (without really saying that that's what the conversation is about.) It's a reasonable thing to discuss on a parenting mailing list, and most of the discussion has been interesting. The book "Protecting the Gift" has been tossed around...trying to find the right balance of caution and freedom...the usual kinds of things. And I was fine with the discussion, didn't have anything to contribute...until the email that spouted off the following: "All men are pervs."

I was disgusted. Yes. Statistically more men are child molesters than women. And it's important to teach our children to trust their intuition and to trust our own...that's one of our protective measures, and to trust our own-sure we'll err on the side of caution sometimes, but that's better than putting ourselves or our children in dangerous or damaging situations. But to make a blanket statement like that...what a nice way to talk about your husbands. What a great thing to teach your sons-that their destiny is to be "pervs," and that they should be feared, reviled, hated, avoided, and all that. That's not what I want to teach my girls about men and certainly if I had sons, not what I want to teach my sons about the kind of men they'll grow into.

This kind of sexism is no more okay with me than someone saying "All women are whores" and I'm not sure why a bunch of mothers-some of whom have sons would think it's okay.

I'm angry. I've yet to find a group of other mothers who I really connect with...this isn't going to drive me away from this group like the Wiccan incident did with a different group, but I'm not happy. And I hope my daughters grow up knowing better...

Comments

[tisiphone.livejournal.com]

That really makes me angry. Liv has been in quite possibly the "worst" male role-model situation, absent father and mother's boyfriend, and neither Nicolai nor Anatoly have treated her with anything but love and utmost respect, ever. All men are not pervs. All women that think that may be stupid cows, however.

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was off-pissing. Just like saying all women are whores, or all Hispanics are lazy...

You know... that does need to be said. And I'm the one with the big mouth. Want me to say it?

ETA: Did you realize that one of the people who said that was the same person who promoted the Christian Seder? I didn't until just now!

[geminigirl]

I hadn't realized it was the same person, but it doesn't surprise me. And if you want to say it, go for it-you could even say that it came up while we were talking if you don't want to fly solo. It may even carry more weight coming from you as the mother to a boy, since I have only girls.

And major kudos to you for the phrase "off pissing."

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

It's already done and up. Let's see what happens now that I've hit the hornet's nest...

[geminigirl]

She seems chagrined-her response was polite and contrite.

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Okay, NOW they've pissed me off....

[geminigirl]

I think a certain person whose name starts with H is afraid to stand behind her words now that she's been taken to task about them...

It's a shame that the discussion was declared over before I had a chance to say anything. I was out of the house this morning so I didn't look until mid-afternoon after things had been declared done.

I did get a nice e-mail from someone else though, off list, about what I said on the "My AP Theory" thread...

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Did you notice that now she's saying that she was joking?

And I had to restrain myself from pointing out that her attitude is very unbecoming to someone in her profession. If you google her, you find out that she is... get this... A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR!!!

The mind boggles, scrabbles and parchesis...

[geminigirl]

I've thought about that. And I think it's a reasonable question to ask-"How does that attitude, that all men are pervs play a role in your professional work? Is it something you've considered taking the time to work through with your own counselor?"

If I felt like stirring the pot, I'd say it. Right now I'm just trying to keep from coughing up lung butter on my kids.

[fj.livejournal.com]

who promoted the Christian Seder?

The what?

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was my reaction. Then she explained it, and it was even worse. Basically, there are Christians who co-opt the Seder rituals in order to proselytize.

I had a hard time keeping my big mouth shut on that one. But I won't argue religion. I refuse to go into mental combat with an unarmed opponent.

[barking-iguana.livejournal.com]

With very minor editing (mostly to the last paragraph) copying and sending this post seems like a fine way to make yourself heard.

[stenodork.livejournal.com]

*sigh*
yeah, sometimes they're kind of... slow in there.


what is this Wiccan incident you speak of?

[geminigirl]

They sometimes lack a clue. Good at heart though.

The Wiccan incident...a group I was involved with when Naomi was younger basically kicked someone out for being Wiccan...because overwhelmingly, they were Christians and decided that they were uncomfortable having someone who was Wiccan in their homes. And the decision was made pretty much by some of them who had gotten together for a playdate when most of the rest of the group wasn't there. It was just kind of...announced to the rest of us. I didn't stay a member of that group very long...

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

What group, so I can stay far away????