Translation Please?

[geminigirl]

Okay, those of you who are fluent in the subtle differences in the way most men and women sometimes communicate...

If a guy says something about, "I don't normally do this, but..." do you believe him or not? Is it likely to be a line or is he likely telling the truth? Do explain this part.

(edit: He was telling me he didn't usually take breaks just to intercept people who he'd helped in the store (Borders) and try to ask them to hang out. Are you less confused now? I hope so, cause I'm not)

(Oh, and whoever pointed me at the Jason Mraz CD, you rock. Extra special lurrrve to you. If you're into singer/songwriter stuff, it's worth a listen.)

Comments

[aynjel.livejournal.com]

[ If a guy says something about, "I don't normally do this, but..." do you believe him or not? Is it likely to be a line or is he likely telling the truth? ]

Ghods, I wish I knew. I honestly wish I knew.

And my best guess is that the answer is (and unfortunately should be), It depends on the guy.

I hate not knowing what to think or whether to believe someone (regardless of gender) when they say something like that. And I hate that my initial instinct is to believe it, and then to doubt later and question and wonder and chase my frigging tail.

[geminigirl]

That's just it. I'm kicking myself for believing him in the first place, but totally willing to admit that it was probably just a line.

Eh. He might be interesting nonetheless.

[malte.livejournal.com]

Not enough information! What was he doing? Making coffee? Leaving the seat down? Reading a Georgette Heyer?

[melebeth]

Gosh. If a guy told me he didn't usually read Georgette Heyer, that might still mean he sometimes read Georgette Heyer and in any event would certainly mean he knew who Georgette Heyer was and therefore would be worth an experimental listening to whether the whole thing was a line or not. I.e. I'm with everyone who says "it depends on what he said he doesn't usually do"

[lcohen]

my default? if that's all the info, i don't believe him. if there's a plausible explanation filling out the rest of the picture, well okay then. but then i feel the same way when a woman says it.

(note to malte: it never seems to be presented this way in situations like making coffee.)

[geminigirl]

I'm inclined to not believe him on principle that it's just cliche.

But the fact that when I said "yes, I'd like to hang out," was followed with "You don't have to be polite or anything, if you don't really want to."

And the "oh my goodness incredibly cute guy the type I notice who never notices me" is blurring my perceptions here.

[entirelysonja.livejournal.com]

Of course, it could be just a line. But generally, I think it means that he doesn't think of himself as someone who normally does that sort of thing.

Whether it's actually out of character is something that depends on how good that person is at self-assessment. :-)

Anyway, if someone says, "I don't normally walk up to complete strangers on the street, but I would have kicked myself forever if I hadn't worked up the nerve to talk to you," I'd take it as a sign that they found you extremely compelling. I'd go for it.

[entirelysonja.livejournal.com]

Oh, and another thing --

If he did it a lot, he probably would have been fired by now. :-)

[wait.livejournal.com]

I don't trust anyone who says, "I don't normally do this, but..."

Its the same as anyone who prefaces a statement with, "In my honest opinion..." What, are you lying to me the rest of the time that you don't say "honest opinion"???

[mhw.livejournal.com]

Prefaces to statements often are like that. "I know it's none of my business, but", "I hate to have to say this, but", and "If I were you" are big red flags to me that tend to get countered with "Indeed it is not", "You don't have to" and "You're not".

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

even if he does do that a lot, it still means he likes you, right?

[nadeera.livejournal.com]

As someone who prefaces statements with "In my honest (or humble) opinion" a fair amount of time, I don't use it as a line. Instead, its a sign of my nervousness at what I'm gonig to say because I'm afraid its going to be shot down. I'm someone that doesn't do very risky things very often. Instead I'm one who sits back and waits until I know someone fairly well before I say something that could be taken wrong.

My husband is quite the opposite. He's extremely confident and gregarious. He has never prefaced anything that I can recall with "I don't usually do this". As a confident person, he just 'says it' and whatever happens, he deals with later. This is just my own experience and in no way gives you a definitive answer.

So if he (bookstore boy) sounded fairly nervous then that might be a more important clue than what he said. If, instead, he was looking you straight in the eye with a rakish grin, then I'd think it was a line. If you have any non-verbal clues, that might help the detective process.

[ridleymae.livejournal.com]

well it might be a line but that doesn't mean he's any less sincere. maybe just nervous?

[quillon.livejournal.com]

This would be my interpretation:

- If there was a supervisor or manager nearby, he might be putting a minor disclaimer onto your dialog as not to get in trouble by socializing too much while on the clock.

- He might be a little bit on the shy side, and by saying that he doesn't normally do what he was doing, he might've been trying to open up to you.

This is, of course, unless I misread your post above, which is entirely possible!

Heh. The fun of communcating while dating. Trust me, it's not any easier with other combinations of people. ;)

[geminigirl]

He'd actually taken a ten minute break just to try and intercept me in the corridor. It was kind of cute.

And I tend to have more faith in figuring out women than men. That doesn't mean I'm always right.