Events of the Day

[geminigirl]

Q(uotes)OTD: "No Gabe, I'd be jealous if you had orgasmic chemistry...not organic."

"Oh, just say something lesbian already"

"Save me from the straight guys. They're talking about penises again."


Thought for the day (so far): considering how much time I spend talking to the groups I work with about how you can't tell by looking if someone is HIV+, it's amazing how much I end up playing "Is he or isn't he?" whe I'm out with certain people.

Comments

[joshuapanther.livejournal.com]

Your quotes make me wish I was back at Ohio University. *sigh*

[geminigirl]

Awww. Sorry.

I owe you an e-mail; it's been a busy day so far, but I'm working on a response right now.

[joshuapanther.livejournal.com]

No worries. I've been quite busy today at work. I've barely had time to keep up with LJ stuff let alone email. :( But things are finally slowing down.

[cappyhead.livejournal.com]

Is he or isn't he =what=? HIV? Gay?

I'm confused.

[geminigirl]

Yes.

It depends on where we are...but we play the "gay or not gay" game almost all the time...and almost as often the "+ or not game" when we're out.

[cappyhead.livejournal.com]

I find this to be very upsetting. Appalling, even. And offensive.

Why do you play this game? Why do you think it's fun? Why do you think you could tell by looking at someone if they have HIV?

[geminigirl]

It upsets me, too. It bugs me, and it does make me angry sometimes. It's certainly not fun. What usually ends up happening is the person I'm with (and it's one particular person that this happens with) starts asking what I think. And I don't think it's fun, and I don't like that he asks. I usually ignore him when he starts to ask, but we went to get lunch today and he saw someone, and started pestering me about it...it was on my mind. I don't think I posted it as something that was funny or something I enjoyed.

And to answer your other question...absolutely nothing. It's not something I think about. I don't make asumptions about anyones HIV status...it's something that some people choose to disclose and some not. I think that was the point of saying something about "considering how much time I spend on saying 'you can't tell by looking.'" You can't tell by looking and I don't like assuming...or guessing.

I think you took this to be something I was amused by or enjoyed. I'm not saying that at all. I characterized it as a game but that doesn't necessarily imply humor or fun. It was something on my mind before I ate lunch and I posted something about it, without much explanation, and if I didn't create the whole picture that's my bad. But it's not something funny, and I didn't intend to imply that it was.

[cappyhead.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your response. When you used the word "playing" in your initial entry, I did get the impression that you found this amusing. That's what "playing" usually means.

Is there any way you can tell this person "I don't play that game; I don't find it funny or amusing"? Can you tell him that he's pissing you off? Can you just tell him, "I don't know, why don't you ask -him- if he has HIV?" Or just a blank stare and a "You can't tell by looking" response? Would this kind of response get him to stop?

That people do this kind of shit... it just makes me want to cry. (FYI for those who don't know me, I'm an HIV case manager.) I just talked to my gay co-worker, who is also an HIV case manager, and he's never heard of people "playing" this "game." He also was appalled

[lcohen]

i just wanted to mention that i have used and heard "playing the/a game" with a definite negative connotation, rather than one of amusement. other than that, i totally understand your grief and frustration. *hug* if you'd like one.

i also must confess to often trying to "spot the dyke" as i wander around town. actually, i'm more likely to try to "spot the dyke couple"...those two women grocery shopping together: friends, mother/daughter, or lovers?--that sort of thing. but the best story i have from that exercise involves my trip home to chicago from san francisco in january, 1999, right after there had been a huge blizzard. i had been unable to leave sf (poor me!) because no planes were flying into chicago, but i finally made it onto one that was heading for chicago, via boston. when we got into boston, there was a long stopover while they were determining whether we actually would be able to fly into chicago, and i got to talking to a woman sitting near me. and i kind of *knew* the way that you do sometimes know, and so i put my hair back from my face with the hand that had the ring i used to wear back then--the one with the triangle on it--just so that she would know--and we kept talking but didn't say anything but i was sure that she'd got it. a month later, i was at a fundraiser for a glbt organization and there she was and we both started laughing and moved our groups towards each other--and agreed that we'd known (she said that spotting the ring had made her sure), and were so not surprised to see the other one there. we still run into each other at events.