And if the Missippi should wash me away...

[geminigirl]

I've found that it's often a bad sign when I desire to listen to this song on repeat...it usually means I'm feeling rather melancholy or something like that. I also get like this when I'm confused about things in my life.

Okay, I'm moody, I admit it. I've always been this way...

I'm at least motivated enough to iron clothes for the next two days. More likely, it's insomnia; I've had that a lot lately. I'm doing a lot of reading as a result.

Things that are stressing me right now...

work

money

relationships

future

and there's more.

I'm stressed at work, and not focused and not concentrating. I stuffed folders (we like to have program packets ready to go, and I used the last one today) because I needed one for tomorrow and realized when I got home tonight at 10:30, after class that I wasn't even sure I'd taken one along. The low pay and crazy hours are getting to me. The stress to meet the Fairfax county deliverable is getting to me. The fact that I am being told to take time off is getting to me. I'd love to take time off, but frankly getting the Fairfax deliverable met is more important right now. Or at least getting everything scheduled for it. Once it's scheduled completely, I'll feel better. But actually taking time off will be a challenge, on top of which, if I do take time off I won't actually do anything with it, which makes taking time off kind of useless. This Fairfax thing is hanging over my head because they want to apply for another grant...which means really kicking butt and meeting or exceeding that deliverable. (I'm hoping if they do apply for this grant, and get it, it will mean a raise and/or promotion) It's far more challenging to get it done this year than it has been in the past because when the program went from 4 weeks to 6, a lot of the sites we depended on couldn't give us that much time. Either way, it's close to being scheduled, but it's still tough...and between now and June I'll be completely insane...working on both Friday and Saturday evenings, among other things. Yeah...sure. It's complete insanity.

I'm unsettled. I want to feel better. I want to feel grounded because right now I'm floundering a bit...unsure about what makes sense to do or not to do.

Discontent...that's a good word.


Except for one thing and that's that something that hasn't





When I was a kid, we used to get these cookies as a very special treat once in a while. We called them "Moon Cookies" but I think the actual name for them is "Black and Whites." But they're these big, soft cookies, very plain, and they're kind of glazed, half white and half black (chocolate). Anyway...the glaze was nice, but I loved the cookie part. And, I'm a big fan of icing...so long as it's not too sweet (which is a relative thing when it comes to icing.) Sheetz had a cookie that was pretty good...I picked one up on my way back from Manassas one day. But the Giant...the Giant has my cookie downfall right now. Plain-ish, soft cookies, with sweet icing, and sprinkles. And they're good. Too good.

See? Cookies?

Still, I'm not a happy girl, even if cookies perk me up for a few minutes. Or maybe it's just a sugarhigh.

Comments

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

i'll make a deal with the guy with the horns and the cape....

[geminigirl]

You should so not have to listen to me whine about work like this. *guilt*

Re:

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

well, i was quoting from "hoover dam"....

no need to feel guilty on my account. i understand the whole cycle non profits can get you into. it's such important work. you know it. that's why you're in it. but then... you often get treated poorly either monetarily or stress level wise. but then, you want to stay cuz it's such important work. so, do you have any options at all? so frustrating. i hear ya.

LOL

[rapha.livejournal.com]

it's such important work. you know it. that's why you're in it.

HAHAHA. My non-profit: www.isi.org -- Im in for the $$. Im in it cuz they don't use to my potential (webmaster) and therefore pay me $25K more than they should (of course if they ever figured that out and used me to my potential i'd be unpayed by $25K). I'm in it for the comp time. The unlimited computer books. The free software.

Though it is true, the poor treatment. The foolish people. They don't let me make anything better without 6 different people's approval. The President who cannot conceive of anything that isn't on paper. The VP who sits on content for 6 weeks, finally does it and wants it up NOW.

So I CAN still sympathize.

Re: LOL

[clockwatcher.livejournal.com]

wow, that's a lot of money.