(no subject)

[geminigirl]

So the other day, I take a minute to write a "sorry my Mom's kind of weird" e-mail to the guy referencedhere.



hi, this is x, no need to apologize, ur mom did the same thing right after she emailed u, anyways she is a great lady and has helped me out a lot, she hasnt made me feel weird at all, i am flattered. so no problem.

al;l i know is she said we have a lot in common, she asked me a lot of questions when i was getting thesis info, and she thinks we could chat and be friends, at least that is what she told me :) so if u ever wann chat let me know, i dont always check my mail everyday but who knows, u could always
use a friend, X



I wrote Mom back. I pointed out that the lack of capital letters was something that I expected from the teens I deal with, not an adult. And that the abbreviations u and ur are among my top e-mail pet peeves.


One thing that I have finally learned is that sometimes we have to overlook certain annoyances. I agree, that I didn't like the abbreviations either which he also used in his e-mail to me, but I can't completely judge a person by that trait...if it's not a major deal. Not using capitals I don't think is a major character flaw, but maybe I'm wrong.





Some annoyances, you're absolutely right about. But, if one is expecting to correspond with someone by e-mail as the primary form of communication for getting to know someone, one needs to facilitate that by writing comprehensible e-mail, no?

To me, it signals something about the time and attention one might pay to clear communication and the maturity of the person writing the e-mail. I've also found that adults who write like that tend to be the same ones who are prone to psychodrama.

Normally I place great trust in your assessment of people. You're usually spot on in picking out the losers. Are you sure about this one?

Comments

[rockstargrrl.livejournal.com]

ok thank you for saying all of that. your mom sounds like a hopeless romantic to some extent. i totally agree with you on the spelling/grammatical issues.

Lovely...

[sambc.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree more about the bad email standards... I know it sounds like one of the generalisations I hate (tidy room = tidy mind and suchlike), but most people I have met who write emails like that aren't that great to know in real life either...

[lcohen]

well i don't like the abbreviations style, but i don't get to point the finger about lack of caps.... i spell and punctuate fairly well though.

[geminigirl]

The lack of caps is almost forgivable. The grammar isn't. Doubly so because he used them in an e-mail to my mother.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

In the future there will be a new ring added to hell, where people like this can be sent.

[geminigirl]

Would that be people like my mother, or people who write e-mails like that?

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

Apparently, I will be sent there too for the misuse of the word "this." I meant the guy who sent you the first e-mail in your post.

[geminigirl]

I think you'll get a dispensation...I think I'm the only one who would condemn my Mom to hell for this. Most other people would just send the guy.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

If you mean she should be at least sent to sit in the warm living room for putting this guy on your doorstep, then you are probably right.

[geminigirl]

Is it strange that I find joy in having friends who are enjoying the horror of this train wreck as much as I am?

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

I am enjoying it for it's own entertainment sake and am also glad that it is you and not me. ;-)

[geminigirl]

It is entertaining. Much in the way fj compared it to Gilda Radner.

But I'd be happy to lend you a Jewish mother if you're looking for experiences like this.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

I just got rid of a Jewish mother by breaking up with my bf...I don't need to get one back. Thanks for the offer, though!

[geminigirl]

Jewish boys don't exist around here.

At least nice, interesting ones.

Boston seems to have more than its share.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

Who said he was either nice or interesting? Mike had a way of imitating potted plants when out in public.

[geminigirl]

Didn't say anything about your former.

Just about the lack of here.

And actually bitty keeps telling me they're all in Boston...

They certainly aren't in Virginia.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I am just a little touchy where Mike is concerned.

Nice, interesting, Jewish boys must exist in VA. After all, Jewish people are everywhere....

[geminigirl]

Don't apologize. It's okay. I understand where you're coming from.

(side note: I cried when I read your journal this AM...)

If the appropriate Jewish boys were found around here, then I wouldn't be able to entertain you with tails of my mother trying to hook me up with losers!

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

I guess you must have been behind in your reading, unless it was the information black out that made you cry. A lot of the posts are locked these days, since I don't want Mike to read all about my feelings.

BTW, I think you might find it amusing to note that Mike was incredibly jealous of you. He was concerned that we were "commenting too much" to each other or something. I told him you lived in Baltimore to sort of pacify him, which ended up freaking him out since I was planning a trip to NASA Goddard (which has since gotten canceled). Ah well.

Anyway, I do appreciate anything that entertains me these days. I spend too much time in my head.

[geminigirl]

It was actually the second paragraph in this post that made me cry.

There is so much truth to that. I don't want to get into it in a public comment. I'll share privately, via e-mail if you're interested.

I'm amazed that he was jealous of me...random girl in Virginia who (I don't think) you've ever met. That baffles me. I find it an odd combination of flattering and embarassing all at once.

I am sorry your trip to Goddard got cancelled. I'd have found a way to meet up with you for dinner or something.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

You can add anything you want via e-mail alekq at mindspring dot com. I have properly friended you so that you can read the locked stuff. I hope you don't mind.

Yeah, I don't know why he was jealous. Maybe because we had some stuff in common like martial arts and injuries. Who knows? He was at one time very jealous of my interactions with women, because I had been identifying as a lesbian when we first met. But this was only a few months ago, when I think he felt secure that I wasn't running away to date women on him. Now, let's just say it's an open playing field.

I'm sorry the trip to Goddard got canceled for a number of reasons. I would have enjoyed meeting you in person. Also, I wanted to talk to my technical advisor about working there next year.

[geminigirl]

I don't mind. I felt awkward about friending you first, which I don't usually-I'm not sure why, but there was just something there that said "wait."

I'll fix that in a minute.

I'll explain what I was talking about in an e-mail to you, some time in the next few days, I think.

Despite your not being at Goddard soon, perhaps when I'm in Boston this winter we could get together? It's pretty well determined that I'll be there for Arisia.

[danger-chick.livejournal.com]

I am weird about friending people, since you are the first person on my friends list that I don't know in real, face to face life. I am also sort of waiting to de-friend Mike's roommate and sister. *sigh* I have two filters, one without the sister and one without the sister, his labmates (who are my friends) and his roommate.

I'll look forward to you e-mail and your possible visit.

[jaclyn.livejournal.com]

loser. don't bother.

[geminigirl]

I only wish my Mom would see that...

Or at least see past her incredible desire to have grandbabies soon...

[jaclyn.livejournal.com]

I hate it when people user 'ur' or 'u'.

ick, ick, ICK!

[geminigirl]

It's marginally forgivable when you're in the 18 and under set. Once you're college aged, it's time to stop faking, and be who you are.

[entirelysonja.livejournal.com]

Lame. Total loser. Your mom is out to lunch on this one.

[malte.livejournal.com]

People may have their reasons for using 'u' and 'ur', I think (or at least I'm reserving judgement on that matter - you should see the mails I'm getting from a hospital doctor I've been trying to chat up for the last 6 months, but I digress), and lower case doesn't bother me, but that who knows, u could always use a friend is reason enough to send your mum on an Improve Your Judge of Character course. Not to mention What Sort of People geminigirl Would Go For 101.

[geminigirl]

I see only two comments directly calling him a loser. (And possbily one I made agreeing with the assessment.) I used the word loser in my original e-mail because that's the word my mother has used in the past to describe some of the people who have been a part of my life, as well as some of my sister's and brother's friends.

He may be a very nice guy. But like I said in my e-mail to my mother-if someone's going to expect me to communicate with them primarily in e-mail, it needs to be one that I don't have to struggle to read. That's not about being a loser or not a loser, but about having standards.

He may well be a nice guy. And maybe if I'd met him for coffee instead of via e-mail he might have made a very different first impression, but as it stands, he made a pretty poor one in my eyes. That doesn't make one a loser, but it also does influence how much time and energy I may be interested in putting into maintaining communication.

[geminigirl]

If I were concerned about my ability to communicate something clearly to someone, I'd ask for assistance. That goes for both professional and personal communication. This doesn't mean having to have someone else proofread it for you, but it is about making sure that you get the ideas accross in a way that can be understood. Doing that has nothing to do with having or not having a learning disability.

I'm posting this as a follow up to an amusing story I told, about my life, in my journal. Not to publically flog someone for their inability to write clearly. One is completely separate from the other. If I'd wanted to do the latter, there's a lot more I could have said.

I'm sorry that it hurts you to read it. I'm upset that you're making assumptions about my intent, or what my follow up actions might be. I don't see anywhere in the entire thread (most of which is danger_chick and I talking about only marginally related things) where I said anything about whether I'd e-mail him again or not. I feel like you're also making assumptions about the intent behind other people's responses-by describing them as "a disgusted laugh." I also object to the use of the word "shitty." That's a word I don't like, for a multitude of reasons and it's one that I generally keep out of my vocabulary, and my journal.

Nowhere has anyone attacked this man's intelligence directly. His poor grammar, and inability to type? Sure. If he were one of my Mom's 18 year old students, and wrote an e-mail using the kinds of abbreviations he used in his e-mail to both her and me, it would be one thing-but he's not. He's 31. And one would expect at that point that someone would be able to judge when casual is appropriate and when it's not...e-mail to my mother, for example shouldn't contain the same casual writing that a personal e-mail to me does. The ability to determine appropriateness, not just around language use, is important to me.

I've yet to see anyone call him dumb, or stupid, directly. Loser, at least in my book is a far broader term that may or may not have anything to do with ones intelligence. The last two people that my mother has called "loser" who have been a part of my life were both very bright. They just had other, less positive qualities. You may, or may not use it the same way. I know that my original response to my mother was about how the e-mail triggered my own pet peeves about internet communication...not about the intelligence of the person involved.

Sorry, but I think you missed the boat on this one. I think you're reading into it a lot more than is really there. But that's of course, my perrogative.

[geminigirl]

If you want to play "Take your toys and go home," go ahead.

I can see why you would have strong feelings about how things were phrased here, and why. Your point however, about not knowing someone from a stranger on the Metro was well phrased...neither you, nor I know anything about this guy, other than what I've gleaned from the few e-mails from my mother, and the conversations I've had (most of which you haven't seen, nor heard anything about,) and the one e-mail I got from him. He may have been kind and sweet and well intentioned. He also may be a loser, for whatever definition you choose to use. He also had difficulty communicating clearly, and I have issues with that. It's the same issue I have with my boss giving people documents that represent our organization, and our team as a professional entity without ever having anyone proofread them...there's nothing wrong with her inability to write clearly in English, it's just not her primary language and therefore not as strong as her Spanish is. As a result, it reflects poorly on us. And that was the point of all of my original post. And my Mother's response. And that's what you lost sight of, in getting hung up on the responses to his inability to communicate clearly for whatever reason, whether by choice or not.


And yet, despite him being a complete stranger-one who you have even less knowledge of than I do, you're sitting here, trashing the responses of others. You're defending possible reasons for him to have written an incredibly hard to read e-mail. What's your vested interest here? Sensitivity towards people with learning disabilities? Having taught students with learning disabilities before, I'm well aware of the situation. And what if he just did it by choice? I've seen you rip into people who do it on IRC pretty harshly. Is it somehow different because it's an e-mail?

He may be a very nice guy. He's clearly going to be difficult to communicate with-who cares what the reason is? The question comes down to "Is it worth my time to wade through continued e-mails like this to continue conversing with someone I don't know, and who I have minimal information about." He's also brand new to my hometown. At the very least, I'll suggest some places for him to go, since it's a rather boring place if you don't know what's around, and where the older students go.


And you're wrong about the obligation. At the very least, he deserved a polite "Sorry, not interested." It usually doesn't take very long to write an e-mail, saying so, and it is, at the very least, considerate.

[geminigirl]

This has nothing to do with drama, (unless of course you're referring to the fact that you've removed me from your friends list, which for some people would incite drama. While I'll be sad to miss out on some of the things you write, oh well, that's life,) and everything to do with my journal being a space where people can say things that may, or may not be nice.

No one has taken offense yet at your comments, even though to some they could read like sweeping insults, the way you seemed to take offense at the description of the guy in question as a loser. Not even me.

My point here is that sometimes people aren't nice. And that's okay with me. Even if it does take place in my journal. If I didn't like what was said I could screen it, or remove it, or do all kinds of other things to make sure it was less visible, or not visible at all-as I will probably do with this thread at it's eventual end, because there's really no reason to subject others to this debate-this is a personal conflict between you and I at this point, and it should remain that way.

I remain convinced that no harm has come to anyone here, (the exception of course being our friendship, which saddens me, but that's all part of the cycle of life.) You obviously see things differently. Fair enough. I'm okay with disagreeing. While I'm sad about your departure, it's the way life, and often friendships go.

[geminigirl]

Yes. But you've still bothered to answer each and every one of them. Feed the drama.

I can respect your opinion and still defend mine. Without drama. But you've now waved the Drama Flag, and that's the equivalent of invoking Goodwin's Law in my book.

To each their own

[maxdwolf.livejournal.com]

I have to admit to mixed feelings. I frequently use ur an u, though more in chat than postings and e-mail. But the punctuation and lack of capitalization would bug me some. Probably because they're quirks I don't hold myself. I didn't have a problem w. comprehension though.

But I do tend to agree on the psychodrama tendency. Wonder why that is?

But isn't this a moot point? Weren't you planning on not following up beyond a decent apology?