Waiting...

We're waiting for the vet to call Cayne back with news about the cat. I have a terrified feeling in the pit of my stomach.

We've talked about what our options our, what our best decision might be, and how best to take care of Beta cat, who has never been an only cat and would likely be very unhappy that way, if we do have to put her down. Neither of us wants to make that decision, but we know that the cost of surgery for her will probably be way beyond what we can afford, first of all, and that there's a good chance that if this tumor is breast cancer, that it's not the only tumor and that she's not a good surgical candidate. I promised the cat when I took her in that I'd take the best care of her that I could, and that means making hard choices about what's best for her.

The News

We've spoken to the vet, who says that the large tumor is cancerous, and says there are other tumors in other teats. There's also an enlarged lymph node. Surgery would probably be traumatic for the cat, and might not get the whole tumor, or all the cancer. At best, even with surgery, it would give the cat a few months. The vet suggested that we keep the cat comfortable, and on antibiotics and when we're ready, put her down.

This is sort of what I expected, but not the worst news possible, which would have either been "put her down ASAP" or "Surgery is the best treatment." Why the second? Because it would be even more painful than putting her down to be told that surgery was the best treatment and not being able to afford it-to know that it could be fixed but that it was just out of my reach to do that for the cat.

What we'll probably do is keep the cat on antibiotics and comfortable until some time shortly after the wedding, at which point we'll let her go. Emotionally, it's probably the best thing for us, and as long as she's not actively suffering, it's okay with her. And as sad as I am, I worry the most about Beta. Cayne and I have the intellectal capacity to understand what's going on. But how do you explain to a furry orange lump who doesn't understand English, who loves Oblivion as much as we do that she's sick and has to go away? Beta shouldn't be an only cat either.

The comfort in this is that I know that Oblivion has had a loving home for the last four years with me, that she's been well cared for, and that I'm making this decision out of love and compassion, and that it's what's best for her. Even if it hurts a lot.