(no subject)

[geminigirl]

Officially, I started packing last night. I packed a box of CDs and seven boxes of books. Not bad. There are more boxes of books than seven. I didn't think I had that many books-in fact, I don't have that many books. I also bought bubble wrap. The small box of bubble wrap was $9. (melaniesuzanne I'd still like to grab whatever you have as well-I have a lot of breakable stuff!) Packing is emotionally draining, not just physically draining. And so, bear with my rambling worries here, if you will.

Most of the friends I have, where I'm going are friends of Cayne's as well. They're people we do things with together. Save for a few grad school friends who are still in the area (they're in New York City) most of the people I know are friends with "Us" not friends with "me." Which sounds selfish, I suppose. But in every relationship I've been in, I've always valued my local friends who were separate, who I could go to when I needed a retreat from "us" or a break...when I needed safe space to vent where the boundaries were different. And I won't have that...and it's a bit scary to not think about having that anymore. I'm sure I'll find that, but it does take time to build those friendships, and if we're being honest here, relationships often change when people move in together, and the time demands are often different.

I moved down here from New York and had those friends already. I knew people, there were people to do stuff with, and to help me find my way around. I'd have been totally stuck my first few weeks down here if it weren't for scherzoid and redheadsnippet and melaniesuzanne, who all helped make sure I knew where to go for stuff I needed-groceries, Home Depot, all that stuff. And Hannah and Dave who had me over for Christmas that year, along with a few other people, and tanseytoes as well.

My mother keeps reminding me that I'm not taking these next few steps on my own...that Cayne is with me to do that. And she's right. But I value my independence so much, that to feel as totally lost as I do, and needing so much is a bit upsetting to me.

Comments

[shirleym.livejournal.com]

I was friends with each of you individually before you were an "us". You probably wouldn't want to vent to me, but I can offer you continued individual friendship, and not just couples-friendship. To tell the truth, I kind of wish I had more friends of "mine" who were more than just friends of "ours".

[geminigirl]

I feel like it would be really pushing boundaries to vent to you, or other people who are "our" friends. I know what you mean about wanting friends who are yours, and not shared. There's something important about having safe space and time outside, and away from home/relationship/stuff like that.

It's not that I value the friends that I have any less. Nor do I resent having to share them. I just have this need for my own space.

[wait.livejournal.com]

Nod nod nod. When I first moved to Albany, I had no close female friends. ...other than the ones I shared with J. And really, they were aquaintances, not close friends. It was very hard.

It can take a while to meet people. I met a few people through work and made friends through them. After 4.5 years here, I finally feel like this is home.

Try not to think of this change as threatening your independence. In many ways, you'll have more freedom because you'll be able to divy the chores and housework. ;)

[geminigirl]

I will admit, he's remarkably good for housework. I do like that about him. And he likes one of my least favorite chores!