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geminigirlI'm feeling perky today. I'm no Wednesday Adams, but feeling perky is perhaps not the usual descriptor for my mood.
In response to some of the comments to this post, I have the following to say.
1. I do it because it's part of my work, work which I care deeply about.
2. I do it because I can, because not everyone can do what I do, and there are lots of jobs out there that I admire the people who do them, but I couldn't.
3. I do it because I care-because I've been on the other side of the table, because I've sat there with the "oh no I'm going to puke" feeling in my stomach, tasted the nasty OraSure test, seen the needle in my arm, counted backwards to when the last time I did something was, spent the time in between waiting and scared, sworn I'd never ever do anything that might make me have to go through this again, all of that.
But![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tigerfemme, mhw and cappyhead all brought up an interesting theme...how you sound when you're "working", when you're in that social worker mode. I hear it in myself; I'm talking like a social worker again...I hear my inner social worker voice saying things. I know I switch back and forth between social worker me and regular me.
I do it because it has to be done, I do it because it matters to me, I do it because I can't imagine not doing it.
My skirt is getting made fun of today at work, yet again. It's not that short. It covers my knees in front, it's a little shorter than that in back. I worked here almost a year before I wore a skirt shorter than mid-calf length. They're amused, and I'm uncomfortable. I'm not used to wearing short things, so I'm very very self-conscious and they won't leave me alone. It's just part of the professional culture here I suppose. If it's not one person or one thing it's another. I'm just so hyperaware of it already that it's disconcerting.
I'm still a bit ticked off at being outed at work not long ago. Granted, it's hard to be not out at work...that's just not the way this place works. But I've taken so much teasing for being bisexual the last couple of weeks. I'm used to people finding out when I feel like it, not because someone else tells them. So it was out of my control...it happens. People get outed all the time. I don't know why it tweaked me. It just did.
And I'm the hot chocolate fairy today. Distributing packets of hot chocolate to all who ask. With Marshmallows.
In response to some of the comments to this post, I have the following to say.
1. I do it because it's part of my work, work which I care deeply about.
2. I do it because I can, because not everyone can do what I do, and there are lots of jobs out there that I admire the people who do them, but I couldn't.
3. I do it because I care-because I've been on the other side of the table, because I've sat there with the "oh no I'm going to puke" feeling in my stomach, tasted the nasty OraSure test, seen the needle in my arm, counted backwards to when the last time I did something was, spent the time in between waiting and scared, sworn I'd never ever do anything that might make me have to go through this again, all of that.
But
tigerfemme, mhw and cappyhead all brought up an interesting theme...how you sound when you're "working", when you're in that social worker mode. I hear it in myself; I'm talking like a social worker again...I hear my inner social worker voice saying things. I know I switch back and forth between social worker me and regular me. I do it because it has to be done, I do it because it matters to me, I do it because I can't imagine not doing it.
My skirt is getting made fun of today at work, yet again. It's not that short. It covers my knees in front, it's a little shorter than that in back. I worked here almost a year before I wore a skirt shorter than mid-calf length. They're amused, and I'm uncomfortable. I'm not used to wearing short things, so I'm very very self-conscious and they won't leave me alone. It's just part of the professional culture here I suppose. If it's not one person or one thing it's another. I'm just so hyperaware of it already that it's disconcerting.
I'm still a bit ticked off at being outed at work not long ago. Granted, it's hard to be not out at work...that's just not the way this place works. But I've taken so much teasing for being bisexual the last couple of weeks. I'm used to people finding out when I feel like it, not because someone else tells them. So it was out of my control...it happens. People get outed all the time. I don't know why it tweaked me. It just did.
And I'm the hot chocolate fairy today. Distributing packets of hot chocolate to all who ask. With Marshmallows.
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 12:10 pm (UTC)*blink* They tease you for being bi? I don't get it. What's teaseworthy about that?
And I'm the hot chocolate fairy today. Distributing packets of hot chocolate to all who ask. With Marshmallows.
Mmmmmm... yes please. I'll be having honey in mine, to try to get rid of this wretched sore throat.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 12:50 pm (UTC)The thing is, I had a chance to really talk about being bi, about not fitting either "gay" or "straight" And people listened. And one of them has continued to ask me questions about it, to look for understanding and answers. Two people have said they didn't understand or believe in bisexuality before they met a real live bisexual. So the teasing isn't nasty or mean spirited, it's just what I've got that people can poke at.
no subject
Ah-ha! got it! this is affectionate intimacy-demonstrating teasiness, not schoolyard dominance-display teasiness. Is good.
*grin* The last time I met someone who was prepared to say "I don't believe in bisexuals" to my face, I clutched my chest and sank swooningly towards the floor. They looked really worried at first, then realised why I was doing it and started clapping to bring me back to life :D was fun, and then we had a good talk about bisexuality.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 02:58 pm (UTC)But I don't die anymore when people tell me I don't exist. I just ask them where they found me.
Re: Outting
Date: 2002-11-07 12:54 pm (UTC)It doesn't much matter which way one goes. I just get teased for going both ways. I got outed because I said "ick" to a guy in the Chippendales calendar that hangs in one guy's office.
Goth clubs? That's nothing here.
But if you look better in my clothes than I do, that's grounds for something evil...
Re: Outting
Date: 2002-11-07 01:22 pm (UTC)Re: Outting
Date: 2002-11-07 03:08 pm (UTC)Soon. Maybe.
skirt teasing
Date: 2002-11-07 12:48 pm (UTC)Re: skirt teasing
Date: 2002-11-07 12:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 01:23 pm (UTC)My favorite Chris Rock quote, "Bisexuals? They're just greedy!"
*hugs* Its very hard to do what you do, and do it well, over and over again. When I used to be a clinic escort at PP, I'd get similar flack. You do it because it needs to be done. You do it because you're good at it and you hope, even its only for a brief moment, that you've made a difference in someone's life.
Even in a gay-friendly office, no one really wants the entire group to know *everything* about their life. Privacy is good, its comforting. Don't be afraid to tell them to bugger-off...
no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 03:07 pm (UTC)My executive director keeps reminding me of the line Margaret Cho does about being a slut...
You're right about privacy...I care less about people knowing than of controlling when and how people get the information. It's nice that it's over and done with-it would have come out at some point anyway, and this way I don't have to think about it, but I guess, what it comes down to is if they outed me, who else gets outed?