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Mar. 16th, 2010 06:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geminigirlI was nearly in tears this morning when Cayne was leaving for work. It's the whole not sleeping enough->get sick->not sleep well cause you're sick->not getting better cycle. I doze off and wake myself wheezing, or find myself coughing.
Naomi and Miri are both doing amazing things. Naomi pooped on the potty for the first time on Sunday night, just before her bath. Cayne was in there with her, getting her ready for a bath and noticed her making her poop cues, so he grabbed her, stripped her diaper off very quickly and sat her on the toilet. I don't have a toilet ring and he didn't have time to grab the little potty and sit it on the floor for her. She was fine with it except for the confused "Why are you holding me when I'm trying to poop" face that she made at him. There's a first for everything, and we're not working on the potty use thing yet...it was a fluke, but maybe it sparked some connections for her. Miri is starting to make deliberate movements to play with toys, which is interesting to watch. She's in the bouncer right now-I had a coughing fit and put her down for everyone's safety.
I'm not sure if she's done nursing or not. I'm not battling her with the nearly non-existent supply I've had...it's not emotionally worth it and in the long run our relationship is bigger than whether we nurse or how long we nurse...there's so much more to it than that. I'm okay with it in a sense if she is, though I'm hoping she's not done. She refused to latch with the SNS from the beginning and that was fine with me-I hated nursing with it...it made nursing a chore from the beginning instead of something that I could enjoy. And to be honest, I don't like nursing her right now because every time I do it it reminds me of how much I can't or am not doing. We nurse as often as she wants to for as long as she wants to, she gets a bottle after that and it's fine with everyone involved. Everything she gets from me is good for her, but it would be wrong for me, for her, for Naomi and for Cayne to force it to keep going at the detriment of my emotional health. My family needs me whole and healthy and if nursing this way is interfering with that, I'm not being the best parent I can. And if there's a third baby, that baby will create his or her own nursing relationship with me and that's fine, and maybe I'll have a more typical nursing relationship. We'll see what happens.
We've been doing a lot of talking here. Talking about the possibility of a third child in the future. Talking about what expenditures what we're going to have to plan for in the near-ish future...finally renovating the kitchen, citizenship for Cayne, some travel later this year (I have two airline vouchers that I have to use and we'll likely make a trip to my parents this summer with them) and December down here with his family, some needed car repairs to my car, and possibly having to replace one of our cars at any moment (that's the downside of driving a fifteen year old car sometimes.) And then of course, the possibility of nursery school-we declined a spot in the jr. toddler class for Naomi for the current term, but there's the possibility of enrolling her in the fall or in the spring next year, or not at all, or what. Some of these things are hard to plan for though...and some, I just dread the expense of. And then of course, talking about what we need to do to potentially put our house on the market-we need to do the kitchen and landscaping if we're going to do that, which is fine, but then we're faced with considering where we want to move to. If we move across the county line to the west, we get slightly better public schools if we go that route. If we stay in the county we're in we get better charter and magnet options. And while we have some time to decide on this, it's also not as much time as we think. We just don't know what we want to do school-wise, and it's making it hard to make decisions about moving. Our house is a nice starter house but it's crowded with four people-we really need more room-room for a playroom, room for a guest room/office space. I have no place for a filing cabinet and desk/family computer, for example. We knew the house was small and this wasn't a "forever house" when we bought it. We also didn't know it would take two years to have a baby or that we'd have two in such a short time. We didn't know we'd have to renovate the kitchen because it would fall apart either.
So many questions. So few answers.
Naomi and Miri are both doing amazing things. Naomi pooped on the potty for the first time on Sunday night, just before her bath. Cayne was in there with her, getting her ready for a bath and noticed her making her poop cues, so he grabbed her, stripped her diaper off very quickly and sat her on the toilet. I don't have a toilet ring and he didn't have time to grab the little potty and sit it on the floor for her. She was fine with it except for the confused "Why are you holding me when I'm trying to poop" face that she made at him. There's a first for everything, and we're not working on the potty use thing yet...it was a fluke, but maybe it sparked some connections for her. Miri is starting to make deliberate movements to play with toys, which is interesting to watch. She's in the bouncer right now-I had a coughing fit and put her down for everyone's safety.
I'm not sure if she's done nursing or not. I'm not battling her with the nearly non-existent supply I've had...it's not emotionally worth it and in the long run our relationship is bigger than whether we nurse or how long we nurse...there's so much more to it than that. I'm okay with it in a sense if she is, though I'm hoping she's not done. She refused to latch with the SNS from the beginning and that was fine with me-I hated nursing with it...it made nursing a chore from the beginning instead of something that I could enjoy. And to be honest, I don't like nursing her right now because every time I do it it reminds me of how much I can't or am not doing. We nurse as often as she wants to for as long as she wants to, she gets a bottle after that and it's fine with everyone involved. Everything she gets from me is good for her, but it would be wrong for me, for her, for Naomi and for Cayne to force it to keep going at the detriment of my emotional health. My family needs me whole and healthy and if nursing this way is interfering with that, I'm not being the best parent I can. And if there's a third baby, that baby will create his or her own nursing relationship with me and that's fine, and maybe I'll have a more typical nursing relationship. We'll see what happens.
We've been doing a lot of talking here. Talking about the possibility of a third child in the future. Talking about what expenditures what we're going to have to plan for in the near-ish future...finally renovating the kitchen, citizenship for Cayne, some travel later this year (I have two airline vouchers that I have to use and we'll likely make a trip to my parents this summer with them) and December down here with his family, some needed car repairs to my car, and possibly having to replace one of our cars at any moment (that's the downside of driving a fifteen year old car sometimes.) And then of course, the possibility of nursery school-we declined a spot in the jr. toddler class for Naomi for the current term, but there's the possibility of enrolling her in the fall or in the spring next year, or not at all, or what. Some of these things are hard to plan for though...and some, I just dread the expense of. And then of course, talking about what we need to do to potentially put our house on the market-we need to do the kitchen and landscaping if we're going to do that, which is fine, but then we're faced with considering where we want to move to. If we move across the county line to the west, we get slightly better public schools if we go that route. If we stay in the county we're in we get better charter and magnet options. And while we have some time to decide on this, it's also not as much time as we think. We just don't know what we want to do school-wise, and it's making it hard to make decisions about moving. Our house is a nice starter house but it's crowded with four people-we really need more room-room for a playroom, room for a guest room/office space. I have no place for a filing cabinet and desk/family computer, for example. We knew the house was small and this wasn't a "forever house" when we bought it. We also didn't know it would take two years to have a baby or that we'd have two in such a short time. We didn't know we'd have to renovate the kitchen because it would fall apart either.
So many questions. So few answers.
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-16 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-17 12:05 am (UTC)I knew I couldn't do with #2 what I did with #1-it was unhealthy to begin with but also impossible with a toddler to care for.
I've avoided a line in the sand, but I'm also not willing to make a war out of it...if I could tell for sure it was a nursing strike vs. she's hit her frustration point with effort put into nursing vs what she gets from it, it would be easier.