Already she doesn't like me

[geminigirl]

Naomi has learned the words "mine" and "no." I find "mine" to be a particularly interesting acquisition because it's not a word that we use very often here-our sentences more often sound like "That belongs to Mama/Papa/Miriam/the cat, Naomi. It's not for you."

And she makes me feel terrible because she never asks for me. When she gets upset because I've applied some sort of discipline or refused a request she looks at me with big eyes, sometimes tears and says, "A Papa?" She also goes over to the door during the day and looks out the window and says, "A Papa?"

I'm just not important. I'm just the provider of play and lunch and bananas (her current favorite food which she asks for several times a day.) But I'm not "A Papa."

Comments

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

Aesop went through this. In fact, until probably two months ago, he always preferred his dad to me. It's hard. Really hard. I think I can guess how you might be feeling.

I think it's more about how you're just always there and when Daddy shows up, he's like this special guy who is exciting and different. They take us for granted, for now, anyway. But it won't always be this way.

Hang in there.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

I think it's more about how you're just always there and when Daddy shows up, he's like this special guy who is exciting and different. They take us for granted, for now, anyway. But it won't always be this way.


This.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Aw.
But what happens if Papa applies some sort of discipline or refuses a request?

(I remember a semiparamour being put out about me talking about other important men in my life, and it being a major revelation that I talked about him to them.)

This way lies madness

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

A good friend once pointed out that if we let our self worth as a parent be based upon the whims of the child then this way lies madness as children fluctuate for no reason other than to fluctuate. Or they may change preference because of a stage of development, or whatever.

You child likes you. She likes you so much and feels so safe with you that she doesn't need to play to your attention or affection. This too shall pass. Think of this as practice for when they are teenagers and are screaming "I HATE YOU!!!" at the top of their lungs because you won't let her have the latest fashion craze thing, or a new phone, or ever the latest book out by her favorite author.

Hang in there. Get yourself some adult time and take care of strengthening you.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I have it on good authority that fish rarely ask for water. And it's a thing with toddlers, especially toddlers with stay at home moms, that daddy is a rock star and mama is just... water. Invisible but indispensable.

Not that that helps. I'm sorry.

[aelf.livejournal.com]

It's hard.

I'm going to be an outlier. Naomi could be doing the normal "mommy's always there, so daddy's something new and exciting since he's not around as much." Or, it could be something else. My daughter adores her daddy. I'm important, don't get me wrong, but she ADORES her daddy. And it's not because she spends more time with me (though she does spend considerably more time with me). She and her daddy just have a Very Special Relationship. And I love that. I nurture and encourage that. I want that.

It's still hard.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

If it helps at all, I feel so guilty about the fact I felt this way when I was a child. My mum was just there, you know? She was always there. My dad popped in when he felt like it (not even promptly after work - in retrospect, he didn't have all that much interest in being a parent), yet I loved him.

[icelore.livejournal.com]

Aww, don't let Naomi's seeming current preference for her Dad get you down. He just seems more 'special' because he's there less, a rare treat. When they are that young they can't but help take the constant caregiver of Mama for granted. When she's older, and has something important to say, or secrets to tell, it will be you she comes to. :)

[wait.livejournal.com]

Yeah, totally normal. When they are little, its all "mamamamamamama." And then suddenly they realize Daddy is the cat's meow and scream about him all day.

Just wait until she starts freaking out every time you Papa hug / kiss / touch / look at each other. Comical.