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geminigirlDespite the stress involved, the conferece proposal is off. This is an important step in actually preparing to go back to school-doing the sorts of things that one does actually need to do in academia.
My parents are supportive of the decision...so much so that Mom didn't just ignore it or laugh it off, but mentioned it to Dad. It's becoming real. I'm thinking about things like GREs, which I hope I don't have to take. (I've been told that some programs don't require them if you've already earned a master's degree. Go MSW.)
Do you know that just thinking about this gives me knots in my stomach? I don't know WHY I'm doing it. Simply because I want to...because it's something that I think I decided I wanted to do even before I fully understood what it meant.
But the fear of failure is paralyzing. So little that I've pursued, or been required to study has challenged me. More often than not, it bores me. Other than stats of course, which kicked my butt. I've never worked so hard for a B in my life. B's are for the average amount of work. A's are for a little effort. So I'm not sure I'm equipped academically to do this. I know I'll learn to, because I'm very good at doing what has to be done.
And getting rejected from programs when I do my applications? I don't know how I'll handle that. I applied to 11 schools as an undergrad, and didn't get rejected from any.
I want to do this. I want to be successful at it. I'm quite stubborn sometimes, and I suppose this is one of those moments.
I still fear the money part. I'm trying to listen to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
melebeth who is adamant that I do this and equally adamant about my not paying for it.
But will I be good at it?
My parents are supportive of the decision...so much so that Mom didn't just ignore it or laugh it off, but mentioned it to Dad. It's becoming real. I'm thinking about things like GREs, which I hope I don't have to take. (I've been told that some programs don't require them if you've already earned a master's degree. Go MSW.)
Do you know that just thinking about this gives me knots in my stomach? I don't know WHY I'm doing it. Simply because I want to...because it's something that I think I decided I wanted to do even before I fully understood what it meant.
But the fear of failure is paralyzing. So little that I've pursued, or been required to study has challenged me. More often than not, it bores me. Other than stats of course, which kicked my butt. I've never worked so hard for a B in my life. B's are for the average amount of work. A's are for a little effort. So I'm not sure I'm equipped academically to do this. I know I'll learn to, because I'm very good at doing what has to be done.
And getting rejected from programs when I do my applications? I don't know how I'll handle that. I applied to 11 schools as an undergrad, and didn't get rejected from any.
I want to do this. I want to be successful at it. I'm quite stubborn sometimes, and I suppose this is one of those moments.
I still fear the money part. I'm trying to listen to
melebeth who is adamant that I do this and equally adamant about my not paying for it. But will I be good at it?
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*hugs*
Date: 2002-11-15 06:06 am (UTC)Of course you can do this. As you said, you're good at doing what needs to be done. Once you're there, you won't be able to keep yourself from doing it.
Rejection -- sure, you'll get rejected from some places. Big deal. You'll also get accepted some places, and the places you get accepted will probably be the places where there's likely to be a good fit.