Here's my "Bad Person" moment from yesterday

[geminigirl]

We had an evening event at someone's home last night with the Girl Scouts...so late that it was winding down two and a half hours after my kids normally start getting ready for bed. But, Miriam was handling it well, and so we stuck around. When we were just about ready to leave, Naomi emerged from another room wearing a bracelet that she hadn't arrived with, and told me that K. had given it to her. I looked at the kids and asked "Are you sure?" Before I could say anything else, K's mother chimed in with, "Oh, it's okay. She's not usually an Indian Giver."

Just hearing that made me feel sick to my stomach...but, I knew we were approaching the end of Miriam's rope, and I knew that I just didn't have time to get into a long discusson about casual/unintended racism, and so I said nothing. And I feel really yucky about it. Even more so because the kid involved is one that Naomi gets along with really, really well, but the more I get to know the mother, the less I want to encourage that friendship.

Comments

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

Why do you feel like a bad person for that? I get that "Indian giver" is an awful term, but I also think it's fine to pick your battles and consider all the factors at hand. I guess what I'm getting at is maybe don't be so hard on yourself, if that's what you're doing.

[geminigirl]

We've talked with the kids a lot about standing up and saying something when you know something is wrong, and here's a situation where I had the opportunity to demonstrate that for my kids, and I didn't...and I kind of feel like I let them (and myself) down by making the choice I did.

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

If the kids didn't Get It - ...no blood, no foul. I'm with them; you're being too hard on yourself.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I hear that, but I think there's also a lot to be said for taking care of your kids' needs and prioritizing that, especially when they're really young. That also lays an important foundation. (I'm speaking not as a parent but as an adult who remembers my mom often not being clued in to, or not choosing to deal with, me being overwhelmed.)

[vix.livejournal.com]

I think it's fine that you realized it was not the appropriate time for that conversation. You'll encounter this person again based on your kids' interactions, so that will give you an opportunity to explain to her why you found that term so offensive.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

MTE.