geminigirl | (no subject)

Small victory...I made it through my trip to the store to buy Yarzheit (memorial) candles without crying.

I have a deadline that was technically this evening, but really isn't until 9/24...it was set tonight for the convenience of the person who needs the data and to give her some time to finish collecting it from the people who haven't turned it in. I'm grateful that when I called her today with a question about it she said to me "Stop stressing about it. You have a holiday today and tomorrow. I don't actually need to have paper in hand until Friday. Get the data entered into the computer and have your holiday. Stop by Thursday or Friday with the paperwork." She was right to remind me to take care of me and to not let this stress me out so much. I need to thank her for it.

I'm really trying to focus on not having to go through the first time again for a lot of things. I made it through the first Rosh Hashanah without my Dad. Now the first Yom Kippur. Soon the first Simchat Torah, which the girls will enjoy. Sometimes being able to sink into the ritual is helpful-it brings some of the emotion that I may not have given a lot of thought to to the surface and allows me to let go. Same friend who reminded me to take care of me also said "Grief doesn't end, it just changes." Someone else said to watch out because it may sneak up on you in a few months when something else is going on and to give yourself time and space for that. I had this moment a week ago where Miriam said something and I would have reached for the phone and told him about it and he would have loved hearing the story, and I looked at my phone and put my hand on it but I knew I couldn't just make the call. And what about when I upgrade this phone? Will I change the entry from "Mom and Dad" to "Mom" or what?

I'm working on it.