(no subject)

While no one is (I hope) expecting a constant stream of chatter from this end, I do apologize for the pretty well complete radio silence.

We're in the throes of a serious low milk supply issue (not entirely unexpected as we knew going in that there was potential for a problem) so we're on a pretty crazy schedule that involves nursing, pumping and feeding. We're hunting still for local donor milk, I'm already taking domperidone, the lactation consultant is wonderful and, despite being on vacation this weekend, we've been in contact with her every day at her request, etc. In other words, we're doing all the right things, but it's a matter of time and patience and decision making...and the reality is that the baby needs an emotionally healthy parent more than breastmilk-whatever I can give her is wonderful, and if I can give her more than that, that's also terrific, but if I can't, something is better than nothing.

While I was intellectually prepared for this to happen, I'm not sure anything could have prepared me emotionally for it. It's pretty heartbreaking, and I've gone back and forth around anger/grief/resentment/questioning and all the usual emotions which would be difficult enough to begin with but throw a dose of post partum hormones in there and things aren't exactly easy...physically I feel terrific though, and (hate me if you want) I'm in pre-pregnancy clothes and they fit better now than they did before I got pregnant.

I should try and get some of the work done around the house while the baby is sleeping-we're preparing for an impromptu 35th birthday gathering for zedrikcayne who turns 35 tomorrow.